Nothing // l.h

Chapter 29

The next couple days seemed like a blur. A blur that never seemed to end, no matter how hard I tried to get out of it. I had been ignoring Luke and Julia was ignoring me. I had distanced myself from Luke and focused more on how things used to be. I spent less time at my house and more time at Michael's. 

"I feel like such a shitty friend." I told Michael one day after school. We both sat in his living room, sprawled out across the couch. "I just ditched you, and for another boy." 

"But you love him so I let it slide." Michael said nonchalantly. "That's also the thing I don't understand." I gave him a puzzled look from across the couch. "You love Luke and yet you're here with me. I'm not really complaining or anything, I've missed you." His words faded, leaving so much out in the open.

"But?"

"But you had that fight with Julia over Luke. Shouldn't you be with him or her, trying to fix it?" He took his eyes off the TV and finally looked at me. "That's what I would do."

"It's not that simple." I sighed. That was the best answer I could come up with for the time being. I didn't want to give the subject much thought. I came to Michael's to forget or take a pause on how shitty things seemed to be going. 

"Ellie, you can't just come here and give me a bullshit reason like that." Michael snapped. "Just tell me the truth. It's not like I could be mad at you over this." 

I didn't really have anything solid to off of at this point. So much had been buzzing through my head, I felt like a hurricane. "All I know for sure is that I really want my sister not to be pissed at me. I want that more than anything right now." The thing was I didn't know how to do that. Julia hardly made eye contact with me let alone spoke to me. I tried to talk but after a while it became useless and got me nowhere. "I am the last person she wants to talk to right now."

"Okay then, have you tried talking to Luke?" I scoffed in response, finding it almost funny that Michael expected me to talk to Luke. "Oh you've got to be kidding me. I hate that you're so difficult." Truthfully, I was afraid to talk to Luke. I had envisioned so many different scenarios if I talked to him, and how he would approach me. Each one I came up blank on how to respond. "I won't do that thing where I pretend to be Luke and you talk through your shit, but you need to figure something out. You can't be scared to talk to him. He's probably just as confused as you are, if not more."

"We used to hate Luke." I shook my head in disbelief. "We all used to hate him. Then things changed and everything sucks. Maybe this is some sort of weird karma." Michael just stared at me, probably wondering what bizarre explanation was going to come out of my mouth next. "I was supposed to have Julia's back. I went behind her back and did what I wanted to because it was nice, fun, and frankly a really good kisser," Michael shook his head, telling me that was too much for him. "Now it's coming back to bite me in the ass." 

"It's not as hard as you think it may be, talking to Luke. I mean that needs to be where you start. I get you want to fix things with Julia, but you need to clear things up with him first. You want to do the hard stuff first but you can't always do that." He was right, which I hated. I didn't want to talk to Luke, I just wanted things to be better with my sister. 

"I hate it when you get all deep and logical on me like that." I slouched further into the couch. 

"Can't help the truth." 

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I walked into school feeling like I had just gotten hit by a bus. The previous night I had come home late from Michael's, seeing how he kicked me out at one in the morning, making me go sleep at my own house. On top of that my alarm failed to go off at it's set time, making me extremely late for school. Walking into fourth period I saw Michael and Ashton sitting in the far back corner. Michael waved me over but I also saw another hand shoot up. 

Luke.

After talking with Michael I felt bad that I was continuing to ignore him. Michael was right that he didn't deserve it, and I felt beyond stupid for doing it. But I couldn't shake the feeling that I couldn't deal with any of this right now. I knew I needed to and I had to. I walked by Luke, giving him a small smile, and proceeded back to Michael and Ashton. 

"That was a test and you failed." Michael told me as soon as I sat down next to him. 

"What? You've got to be kidding me." I said in disbelief. I turned to Ashton, hoping he would see Michael was crazy, but he just shook his head. 

"I won't let you back in my house until you talk." Michael said, his voice now in a hushed tone. "Ashton agreed." 

All throughout class I planned out in my head when I was going to talk to Luke. I sat in the back and watched him aimlessly scribble things down in his notebook, like he wasn't even paying attention. Every so often I would look over at Michael, who would see me looking and give me the look. The look that made me want to punch him because of how right he was. 

Fourth period seemed to drag on forever. So when the bell finally rang, signaling it was time for lunch, I thanked my stars that Luke and I had the same lunch period. Luke left the class before me but I was able to catch him before he got to his locker. 

"Do I know you?" Were the first words to come out of Luke's mouth when I said his name. "Because the last couple days I've been wondering if you knew me."

"I'm sorry. I know how shitty I must be and how I've acted." I shook my head, already feeling stupid. "Can we not talk here?" I begged, looking around at all the people in the hallway.

"Do you just not want to talk at all? Because that's what it's felt like." Luke said bitterly. I rolled my eyes and grabbed his hand, taking him outside.  

Once we were outside I felt like I could express how I've felt, without wanting to break down in tears. "I've already said how shitty I've been and I am honestly so sorry, Luke. I really am. You have no idea what my house is like right now. What my relationship is like with my sister." So much of this was my fault. Not talking to Luke was my fault. Before that, not talking to Julia was my fault, causing us to be in this situation. 

"Ellie," he sighed, looking at his phone for a brief moment. "I can't talk now. I have a big math test coming up next period and I need to not fail. Just come by after school or something." He inched closer to me, resting his hand on my arm and rubbing it gently. "I love you." I hated that I could hear how sad those words were. It felt like he was saying it just to lighten the mood. He kissed me softly on my forehead before going back inside. I stood outside in the courtyard. I stood wondering so many things. Wondering if he really didn't want to talk, and if I could actually work up the courage to try to have another conversation. 

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author's note

:)))so much more is coming im so excited:))))

this was kinda like a short filler/intro to what is to come

vote nd comment fam ily