Nothing // l.h

Chapter 13

After I kissed Luke two days ago I went out of my way to ignore him. I kept my blinds shut and left extra early so I would get to school before he did. I told Michael everything that happened with Luke and he supported me ignoring him. Of course Calum and Ashton were still clueless, but I tried to carry on as usual. "This is the worst." Calum moaned, rubbing his eyes. All four of us were gathered around my kitchen table, trying to study for a big history test we had the next day.

"That's what you get for cramming." Ashton shook his head while leafing through pages of notes. Calum never liked to study a couple days before the test. He loved cramming the day before so these sessions became regular. "Maybe if you stopped wasting your time on Vanessa from Chemistry, you wouldn't be doing this."

"It's a good way for all of us to see each other, considering we never do. Ellie is almost never around." My eyes automatically shot up and made eye contact with Calum.

"Yea where have been, Ellie?" Ashton chimed in. "I mean there could be only three options for why you don't come around as much.."

"You know friendship works two ways, right?" I snapped. "Why blame it on me when you guys could just as easily come over here?" I looked over at Michael, he was sitting in between Calum and Ashton across from me, keeping himself out of the conversation.

"What's been going on with you lately?" Calum questioned. Before I could come up with a lie or change the subject, someone started knocking at the door. Thank god. Calum rolled his eyes and looked back down at his papers.

I opened the door a little, to see Luke looking up at the sky. "You have-" I interrupted by pushing him farther away so I could make room for myself outside. I shut the door behind me so Calum and Ashton didn't hear. "You haven't seen my note have you?" I shook my head, knowing I've kept my blinds closed for the past couple day. "If you did read them you would know that I wanted to talk to you."

"But I don't want to talk to you. That's kind of the reason I've been keeping the blinds shut." I told him, sticking my hands in the back pockets of my jeans. "I can't talk now, Luke. Calum, Ashton and Michael are here and we're studying."

"Ellie," he caught me by the arm before I got inside, "did nothing really change?"

"Nothing changed, Luke." I said quietly, looking down at the wood that made up the front porch.

"Why are you always so closed off? Why can't we ever have a normal conversation?" He was very persistent.

"Why won't you ever listen to me!" I said loudly, yanking my arm out of his grasp. "You know I don't like you yet you keep showing up and doing these things.." I trailed off.

"What things?" Oh so now he was playing the dumb card.

"Things like kissing me and taking me places. I don't want that, I can't want that." I hated that one minute he could kiss me and make me feel good, but then ask all of these questions and make me feel mad.

"Ellie! God." He was becoming more frustrated and rubbed his eyes furiously. "Did you ever stop and think for maybe a second that taking risks is a good thing? Or that maybe you should put your petty problems away and focus on what is right in front of you?"

"No but thanks for reminding me." I said sarcastically. "I wish this never even happened." I turned my head away and said to myself.

"Is that all you can do? Whine and complain?" He said, annoyed.

"You are so selfish, Luke!" I changed the anger towards him. "You haven't thought either that maybe my problems aren't the problem. The problem is you." I put a lot of emphasis on you and poked him in the chest.

"Me?" His voice got quieter but had a hint of shock to it.

"Yes you. You have always been the problem ever sin-" I stopped myself from going any further. If I said anything else everything would change.

"Ever since what?" He leaned up against the railing of the porch, getting comfortable. It was clear this long conversation was going to be even longer. I sat down across from him on a bench we had by the door. "Just tell me the truth, Ellie."

I had to make up some reason why I felt this way towards him. "Ever since you became my neighbor and decided to smoke pot on your back porch." Good. That was a good enough reason that he would hopefully by into. "Plus you bring over those idiotic friends of yours."

"Like Chase?" He raised an eyebrow. I hated that he brought up Chase. I didn't like that I ever thought differently of him. He was the same as Luke and every other person he hung out with. "I think you're afraid."

I scoffed. "I'm not afraid of you."

"Not of me. I think you're afraid of how I make you feel." I pressed my lips together and shook my head. "I think you're so used to the mindset of hating me that you don't want anything else. You're afraid of anything else." I continued to not say anything. Instead I looked down and kicked my feet against the bench. I couldn't wait for this conversation to be over with. "Just admit it, Ellie."

I cleared my throat. "There's nothing to admit, Luke."

"Do you think denying it out loud will make it true?" He got off his leaning position by the rail and sat down next to me. Luke laughed and shook his head. "You amaze me, Ellie Sterling."

"Please Luke, don't be stup-" I was interrupted by the feeling of his left hand on my leg. "What are you doing?" I looked at his hand and back up at him. He smirked at me, his blue eyes seemed lighter under the shade of the porch.

"Just admit it." His eyes grew softer. He truly wanted me to say that I liked it, that I liked him. He wanted it not only for him but for me as well. "What do I need to do for you to tell me the truth for once?"

His hand remained on my leg when I leaned forward, lightly placing my lips on his. I didn't like that I was instigating this, but I wanted it. I was just too afraid because of the past. I felt Luke crack a smile before he kissed me back, harder. His hand moved up to my thigh, he placed his right hand just below my rib cage.

We would've continued but we were interrupted by the sound of an opening door. "Ellie?" I heard Ashton's voice behind me. I swore quietly to myself before I turned around to face him. "I came out here to see if you were okay." I could hear the disappointment and sadness in his voice. Ashton was so nice and I didn't want to ruin anything.

"I have to go." Luke said out loud and left quickly.

Next Calum appeared next to Ashton. "What the fuck is going on?" Great. This was just great.

**

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

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