Villain Academy #JustWriteIt [WATTY AWARD WINNER OF 2015]

+ the 1 with the pink haired girl +

                  

"Ladies and jerks, don't just dance on her grave.  Piss on it.  Help the grass grow." 

Faith yanked the microphone from my hands.  "That's no way to talk about my grandmother!  She founded Villain Academy-Hey lady!  Give it back!"

"She's dead and useless like the bullshit you just shoved up two thousand assholes."  I tossed her the microphone and jumped onto the lunch table.   

"You imbecile!" Faith screamed in my direction.  

Faith: A sinful vampire who breathes in floral dresses, cherry glossed lips and plots the death of me.  

AKA-vomit material. 

"What do you think you're-Oomph!"  

I stuffed a finger sandwich in her mouth.  "Villains like me are allergic to emotional, nice bitches like you," I stated and  took the gum out of my mouth before sticking it on her nose.  

Hells Bells, the bottom of someone's shoe would've made that gum look more appetizing than on her face.   

"Now!"-I turned-"Fellow clique-y, judgmental classmates built on hypocrisy and high school status!"  I held the gaze of the supernatural school with a wicked smile.  "Seniors, juniors, sophomores and freshmeat-it's a pleasure to see your ugly faces again." 

I kicked aside a lunch tray and paraded across the table.  "Listen up.  You're all going to die.  I don't know when, I don't know how, but it could possibly be from Faith's advice about being successful students and having a--hold on, I think I'm going to throw up in my mouth---an education." 

"You mean we don't have to be here?" shouted a classmate I once had.  I don't know their name, but he's that one kid who can roast someone at any time.  Great guy.  Bad haircut.  

"No.  But you all want to be here.  This is Villain Academy, where your bad selves can roam free and make nightmares come true.  Now let me give you real touching, heartwarming back-to-school speech.  'Cause you don't wanna hear about Faith's dead grandma, right?"

The Zombies moaned from their table and I lifted an apologetic hand.  "Except you rotting shitheads.  But the rest of you aspiring villains don't want to learn 'bout our school's story."

Forks and knives pounded against plates and their excitement pulled a smile out of me.

"Here's the truth that I've learned from the four years that I've rotted here.  High school is a bitch: brutal violence, angsty adolescent drama and a possible chance of you murdering the next Gossip Girl or "A".  Your name will end up on the bathroom stall next to words that I won't say.  You'll hold a gun, get bullied, be the bully.  Freshmeat, you won't survive a week and seniors, let's make this a killer year."  I cracked a grin.  "Welcome to Villain Academy, spineless bitches." 

A storm of applause shook the tables, a smile striking down my lips.    

"You," Faith growled.  But outside the skies cheered, thunder rolling on the clouds in laughter, lightning dancing around the school. 

I plucked the gum off her nose and popped it back in my mouth.  "Uh oh"-I chewed-"Cue the control freak."  

Her fists shook by her side.  "You ruin everything!  Nothing disgusts me more than a pink haired punk squeezed in plastic," she snarled. 

I hopped off the table and poked her forehead.  "And you need a luxury trip to Satan's chambers, muffin.  A profanity-free mouth, no thirst for blood, like, you're so goddamn nice.  How do you do it?"  My smile forced their thin brows to narrow.