Tempest (Royce/Winston)

001

Hi, loves
I really wanted to reply to your comments on the sneak peek but I've been so busy with exams and studying that I didn't have the time. I saw them though, and I'm really glad you all liked the sneak peek, I'm excited about writing this book. I hope you enjoy chapter one.

Jacob's P.O.V.

It felt good to forget all about him, despite what my mom says. She's always talking about how we have to keep my brother, Axel, in our memories and to always think of him with a smile. I can't do that though, because whenever I think about him... It's always about how he died and how he's never going to come back. I couldn't think about him any other way, he was dead and gone. 

I've dealt with death before, but my brother's affected me the most. Of course it would, he was everything to me and for him to be there one day and gone the next, was traumatizing. What makes it even worse is the fact that we weren't on the best of terms when he died, my brother and I always had our disagreements, but around the time that he died... We couldn't stand each other.

The two of us have had our fair share of arguments and fights, but it'd never gotten to the point where we didn't even want to look at one another. The whole not wanting to see each other didn't really work for us because we were twins, every time we looked in the mirror we were basically fucking screwed. I hated Axel, it hurts to admit it, but I hated him because he was the reason why our relationship grew so strained. 

Axel always had time for me, and our parents, but then all of a sudden he didn't, all of a sudden he was sneaking out at night, and skipping school... He never had time for us anymore and it pissed me off because I was his brother. It wasn't fair to me, it hurt, but after a while I just stopped caring and my resentment for him grew.

Axel worried our mother to death when he was alive, staying out late and coming home in the early morning, his only excuse being that he was hanging out with friends or his boyfriend, or some other stupid bullshit of an excuse. Our mother was terrified that something would happen to him, but he never listened to her... I bet he would now, but... It's far too late for that. After he died, there was a funeral and people spoke, but I wasn't one of them because I was still so angry with him. If he had just listened to our mom and stopped putting me and our family on the back burner, he wouldn't be dead.

Everyone dealt with his death differently, my mom cried a lot, my dad seemed to just lose the ability to do anything, my friends all acted awkward around me... And... And I just locked myself away. I hid in my room and tried not to remember what it was like finding Axel's body, or wondering if he thought about our family and I before he died, if he regretted giving us the cold shoulder. Eventually things got a bit better, mom doesn't cry as much... Dad's still not himself, but he's getting there, my friends are different, and I finally decided to stop moping.

I didn't want people to pity me, but of course that's what happened, everywhere I went people knew who I was and what happened to my brother. I got those sad gazes and the questions: "are you okay?" "You know Axel's in a better place now, right?" "Do you need to talk to someone? A school counselor, or a therapist, maybe?" The questions were annoying, I wanted people to know that I was fine, I wasn't depressed about Axel, I was more angry than sad really. Everyone thought I would break down in tears at the mere mention of his name, but I proved them wrong.

Instead of hiding away in my room, like I used to do, I got out more... I went to school games, and parties, I walked the streets late at night and hung out with the people who never gave a shit about Axel, or about me. It was way better than being pelted with questions concerning my well being, I liked hiding out behind the gym and smoking a blunt with the "cool kids". I wasn't a cool kid before, when Axel was alive, but I was now... And it felt fucking great. It felt great to finally become my own person, I wasn't "Axel's twin brother", now I was just Jacob.