Tempest (Royce/Winston)

083

Jacob's P.O.V.

I didn't think I would actually do it, but fuck it felt really, really good. It scared the hell out of me that I was developing this strong urge to hurt myself, to mark up my skin and to change the way I looked. I didn't want to do that though, I really didn't want to do something to myself that would make me look different, but the urge to do that had gotten really bad last night. I read some more of Axel's journal and that had really pulled me deeper into my depressive episode.

I wasn't thinking last night, that's the only excuse I really had for locking myself in the bathroom with a pair of scissors. What I did to myself didn't look all that great at all, but it's not like I was truly thinking about that as I held the scissors in my dominant hand. I just did what I wanted to do and I didn't really think about it until it was over and I was crawling into my bed and stuffing my face into a pillow.

I still hadn't really acknowledged what I had done yet, but I had to because Winston had texted me and told me he was waiting outside on the front porch. He was surely going to have something to say and I was honestly both nervous and scared on what he was going to tell me. It took me forever to walk my ass downstairs and open the front door, but once I finally did it, I knew there was no going back. I did what I did and now I was going to just have to deal with it.

Once the door was opened, Winston looked up from his phone and I watched him, noticing the way his smile faltered a bit when he took the time to look me over.

"You... Cut your hair?"

For some reason a wave of insecurity washed over me, I was suddenly really worried that Winston didn't like what I had done to myself.

"Yeah, I'm sorry if you don't like it. I was really deep into one of my depressive episodes and I really had the urge to cut something..." I said, my voice dying down with every single word that I spoke.

"So you cut your hair?"

"It's better than my skin..." I whispered, my gaze dropping down to the floor. I pretended like the hardwood was the most fascinating thing in the world so I wouldn't have to see the way Winston was looking at me. He was just standing there, he hadn't even spoken, so I knew that he obviously felt some type of way about how I looked now. I huffed in annoyance, deciding that I wasn't going to just stand here and let him judge me. "Look it's just hair, okay? It'll grow back, it's not like it fu-" "I am so proud of you".

"What?" I asked, looking up at Winston, he was smiling at me.

He carefully placed his hands on either side of my head and leaned in to kiss my forehead. I didn't move as he then wrapped his arms around me, giving me a hug. "I said that I am so proud of you".

"Okay, but why?" I said, my voice muffled since my face was pretty much stuffed into Winston's chest. I took a deep breath and breathed in the scent of him, I could smell the laundry detergent he used to wash his clothes with, but I could also smell his body wash too. The two smells were an odd combination, but surprisingly they complimented one another.

"You didn't do the one thing that you really wanted to do" he explained, "I don't know what it's like to have the urge to want to hurt myself, you know? But I'm sure that it can be really hard to ignore it, right?"

I nodded my head a little, but I didn't speak.

"So that's why I'm proud of you, I'm proud that you didn't hurt yourself, Jacob. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you through your depressive episode, you know I would've been there if you called me, right?"

I nodded my head again, "yeah".

"So why didn't you call me, babe?"

"Well I thought you liked the nickname Winnie".