My Voice for My Heart

Chapter 6: Keela

Keela

Dand held my arm tight against his body and his other hand held onto my hand where it wrapped around his elbow. His body was hard and tense, and he moved quickly, like he knew exactly where he was going. He left the house and passed by the stables going through the yard and out the gate.

I knew where he was going now.

It was the same place I went when I needed to feel close to the boys; to the huge oak tree deep in the forest. I had used fallen twigs and branches from that tree to make stick boys, and I had stared up through the leaves at the sky and told them all of my feelings when I had no one else to talk to.

The tree was the place we had met as children. It was the first place I ran to when I woke up, and I played in the roots until the boys finished their chores and could join me.

It was a bright night tonight, the moon was full and I could see as well as if I had a torch to guide my way.

Dand's breath came in short pants, and as he pulled me through the forest, I had to tug on his hand, "I can't..." I took another breath, "keep up!'

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

I could see the tree just ahead of us, the green leaves twinkling silverly in the moonlight as the wind shook the branches.

He picked me up, putting one hand under my knees, scooping me up completely and making me laugh. Dand looked down at me, his blue eyes crinkling at the sides as he smiled. I immediately covered my lips with my fingers without thinking and his face darkened.

As we got to the wide base of the tree, he let me stand on my feet again, but he strode toward me with such intensity that I backed up until I was flush against the tree.

"Why... why are you so angry?" I asked nervously, making a move to cover my lips.

His hand stopped mine, bringing my fingers to his mouth and biting them gently before he bent his knees to look at me more fully, "Because we left you," he honestly, his voice cracking.

He had a different voice before he left. Now his voice was strong and deep. I could picture it carrying across busy yards, yelling commands to soldiers.

My eyes widened as I thought about his words, "But you had no choice," I said, confused. Why should he be upset about something over which he'd had no control?


He shook his head, "Doesn't matter," he argued, taking another step forward until he had to crane his neck downward to meet my eyes.

I heard him breath in deeply and he closed his eyes. He bent his head more, until his lips could touch my forehead. I shuddered at his touch, my entire body shivering. I moved my hands forward slowly until I could grasp his tunic, while he left his lips against my skin.

"I'll take you away from here," he told me, "I can't stand it. I can't see your father treat you the way he does. I won't pretend that you don't mean the world to me; that I didn't think of you every day that I was gone and wish I was with you."

My breath caught, my brain struggling to understand his words when they went against everything I'd come to believe.

I felt his breath against my face in rush and his hands came up to rest against the tree, his arms caging me in. I moved my hands up his ribs tentatively.

I wanted him to wrap me in his arms. No one had held me in three years, and my body ached for the remembered comfort.

He sucked in a breath and seemed to snap. His lips moving from my forehead to my lips, pressing against them hard. I took in a fast, confused breath, and his tongue slipped past my lips.

In that moment, all of the feelings I had for the boys transformed into something different, deeper, more mature and intense.

"Dand," my lips moved against his as his tongue withdrew and he kissed the sides of my lips.

"That's the greeting we should have given you," I heard a laughing voice say from behind me.

Dand stepped away from me and when I would have moved my fingers to my lips, he grasped my hand.

Iasan smiled at me and then held open his arms. Dand dropped my hand and with a choked cry I flew into his arms.

He held me close, "I'm sorry," he whispered against my hair.

I shook my head, "It doesn't matter anymore," I told him, so happy, so deliriously happy I couldn't contain the giggle that escaped from me.

Iasan chuckled, "Don't start with the giggling, Keela," he warned, "You know what happens when you start to giggle."

I heard another deep chuckle behind him, and Iasan kissed my hair again, "See?" he said, "it's started already."

He pulled away from me and stepped aside so I could see Ciaran and Athol, both of them tense. Cianan held his arms across his chest, while Athol's hands clenched and unclenched at his sides, like he wanted to reach for me but was holding himself back.

Their images wavered in front of me and I brushed away the tears that were flowing freely down my face.

"Baby," Ciaran said, finally, holding open his arms and I jumped at him. He caught me and twirled me around.

"Ciaran Ciaran Ciaran," I chanted happily, burying my face in his chest and smelling him, "I missed you so much."


He pulled back so he could look in my face and wiped away my tears with his thumbs. I smiled widely at him and the dark look on his face left, leaving behind a lighter, younger-looking Ciaran. I reached my hands between us until I could reach his face and I smoothed away the lines on his forehead, like I had always done when he got mad.

He smiled at me and leaned his head down, pressing his lips against mine and I wrapped my arms against his neck. He pulled me flush against him until my feet were dangling off the ground.

"My turn," a rumbly voice said.

Ciaran gave me one last lingering kiss and put me on the ground.

Athol stood with his arms crossed now. I saw a white linen bandage on his arm and looked worriedly at his face, "It is nothing, angel," he told me.

He took one small step closer to me, watching me like he had when we were younger, making sure I was comfortable before he touched or held me. It may have been reason I came to depend on him so much for those physical caresses I never received before meeting the boys.

Athol was my hero, always my knight, slaying pretend dragons for me, keeping me safe and comforting me when I was hurt or sad or lonely.

I felt a huge well of sadness bubble and pop, and I ran at him. He took one step and lifted me up, enfolding me in his arms and surrounding me with his unique scent. I gave a huge sob and began crying into his neck.

I felt him lower us to the ground until he could pull me onto his lap and wrap his arms around me. He rocked me back and forth, kissing my hair, my nose, my forehead, my lips, all while keeping me safe in his arms.

"Athol," I cried, "I needed you. I needed you all so much."

"I know, Angel," he said quietly, his voice as sad as mine, "we're here now. We won't leave you. We'll never leave you." 
He kept rocking me, and pressing kisses on me.

I felt all the tension and hurt leave my body until I was a warm ball of contentment. I let my head fall against his chest and closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around his arms so he couldn't go anywhere.

He continued to rock me and talk to me, offering me reassuring words of love and apology until I felt myself drift away into sleep.