My Voice for My Heart

Chapter 38: Dreams

I knew I was dreaming, but it didn't matter. I was with my family. Iasan held my hands in his, rubbing the joints, fingers trailing over my wrist, loosening muscles so tight it hurt when they finally uncurled.

I like this dream, I thought.

As dreams are wont to go, this one jumped and reversed. It tangled reality and fantasy, but it was perfect.

I dreamed that Iasan cradled me gently and passed me to Athol, who held me reclined against his broad chest. His hands ran through my hair, gently coaxing the tangles out. I felt his lips on the shell of my ear and his deep voice whispered, "This is all I need, Angel."

It was all I needed, too. If I was with my family, even in a dank cave, I was content. My dream morphed, and Athol and I were left alone in the cave. I could hear the voices of the men outside, hear their movements as they gathered supplies, and secured the area around the cave in much the same way they had for the last. This really happened, my mind whispered, but then, like spinning in a circle, the vision changed and all around me was silent.

Athol was gone, and I was alone. I wanted to call out to him. I even opened my mouth and felt the breath catch in my throat before I remembered, not a word, not a sound. The silence was so heavy the air pressed against my ears, making me feel off-balance. It was dark and I couldn't find the entrance to the cave. There was no sound, and no light, only a rising hysteria that threatened to explode inside me. I kept swallowing it down until I could feel the tears on my face, and hear the hitch in my breath. Just when I thought that I'd go mad, two hands grasped my arms and the moon illuminated the cave.

Balthair held me. His eyes searched my face. He saw my fear, and he didn't hesitate. He embraced me and leaned his cheek on my head.

"It's alright," he told me, his deep voice calm and reassuring. "I've got you now." 
I reached up with my hands to pull his face down to mine; my lips seeking his. I pressed myself into his body, wanting to be part of him, wanting to absorb his strength. But I didn't want to just take. I wanted to give something, too. I wanted him to feel how much I loved him and how much I needed him.

Our lips chased each others, our tongues dueled. My breath was his breath. My hands traveled over his shoulders, down his arms and across his back. I pressed my palms against him and then my fingers curled into his shirt. I allowed myself to pull it up, wanting to touch his skin. I wanted to look at his eyes, to become lost in them, but when I looked up at his face, he was gone. 

No! My eyes shut. I held them tight, hoping if I opened them again, he'd be there. Instead, when I opened them, I woke up.