My Voice for My Heart

Chapter 41: Brothers

Aghaidh looked at Balthair like he wanted to peel the skin from his bones and I watched Balthair's countenance change before my eyes. He stood up straighter, the shock replaced with haughty disdain. 

This was the Balthair I'd lived with for so long. The one whose eyes were cold and unapproachable. It made me shiver even though I knew he did this to protect me.

"Look at her." Aghaidh's voice was quiet.

Blathair didn't move and I was frozen. It took a moment to get past this new/old Balthair who stood right in front of me. I heard Aghaidh's words again and it woke me up. Brother?

Aghaidh's eyes left Balthair's and fixed on mine. "You never saw me, Keela. But I was always there." He stepped toward me, but Ciaran blocked him, one hand pressed against his chest. Aghaidh didn't try to move.

"In the cave by your father's estate. I tried to help you then."

My mind went back. I remembered now. He must have seen it on my face because he smiled bitterly.

"I knew you'd run away from home. I was afraid for you. Balthair had disappeared, all of the men had, but all I cared about was you. I used every power at my disposal to find you."

I shook my head, not disagreeing, but I didn't understand. Why would he have done that? Why did he care about me?

"You don't remember me. You never see me, Keela." His voice became angry, but underlying that was a level of hurt I couldn't contemplate. How had I hurt him so badly when I didn't know of his existence until I met him with Phillip.

"You don't see me," he said again, quieter this time. "I was there, visiting with my father when he came to see Balthair. But I wasn't free like him. I had to stay close, listen to every word. I didn't have the luxury of running after girls or having a group of best friends. There was only me. And my father."

Aghaidh came closer, but Ciaran's hand tightened on his arm. "I saw your kindness, and your love for my brother. It was like the sun. I just wanted it to shine on me for a little while."

He went on. I lifted my hand to my chest, pressing it against my heart. My ignorance felt like cruelty, and I hadn't meant to be cruel.

"I recognized you here. I told Phillip I didn't want you to know who I was. I wanted to win you over. I wanted you to love me. Not for my lands, or my money, or my relationship to Balthair..."

"That shows how little you know about her," Rab interrupted. "Keela has never cared about those things."

"Have any of you been here?" Aghaidh retorted angrily. "Have you been here to protect her? To watch for McKendricks? None of you put her above yourself. If you had, you would have destroyed those cursed shirts the first time you shifted."

Aghaidh took a breath, and then said, "You would have made her speak."

I shook my head. That wasn't what I wanted. Not at all. I'd do anything to get my family back. I still would. If for some reason, the undine lied to me, and I had to remain silent the rest of my life, weaving even more shirts when these ones disintegrated, I would.

Aghaidh opened his mouth again, but I could't let him go on. I couldn't let my family believe stopping this task was an option. I ran around Balthair and covered Aghaidh's mouth with my hand, shaking my head wildly, desperate for him to stop speaking.

He tore his head back, ripping my hand from his mouth and squeezing it tightly. "Why wasn't I good enough, Keela?"

I shook my head. It wasn't about being good enough. He wasn't them. Maybe my heart only had so much room, but ever inch of space belonged to my men. I tried to convey my apologies with my eyes. I was sorry I hurt him, but I couldn't be sorry about who I loved.

"Aghaidh," Balthair said, reaching over and taking my hand from his brother. "You don't choose who you love. Don't you think, if she had a choice, she'd pick us?"

He didn't say it to be self-deprecating. There was a ring of truth in his words. He didn't believe he was good enough for me.

I pulled my hand away and smacked his arm. Hard. He looked at me in surprise, and I smacked him again. It wouldn't have hurt him, but it did surprise him. I pointed to my heart and then to his. I loved him. I smacked my hand against his chest and then mine. He was mine. Then I pointed to the men, each of them. I met each of their gazes, projecting with every ounce of my will how much I loved them.

I would choose you. Not for the first time, I wished that I could speak. If only to argue Balthair's idiotic assertion.

Finn laughed, and walked over to me, folding his arms over my shoulders and bringing me into his chest. "You're making her angry," he laughed.

"She would choose us," Athol told Balthair. "I think both you and your brother are both being stupid."  

I sighed into Finn's chest. If I could speak again... I shook my head, refusing to believe that. When. When I could speak again, Balthair and I were going to have a long talk about my feelings for him. I never wanted him to doubt how I felt.

"You could never love me," Aghaidh said to me. I looked over from Finn and met Aghaidh's eyes. I shook my head. No. I could never love him.

Aghaidh rubbed his hands over his face before hunching over. The sharp sound of a branches breaking made him straighten quickly. His face blanched and he looked at me sadly. 

"They followed me." 

My head spun, and Finn held onto me tightly. "We have hours left," he said to everyone. "We run." 

I looked over at the ground, and wrenched myself away from Finn. I grabbed the shirts, rolling them into a ball. I had only been gone seconds, but it was long enough for the hunters to reach us. 

Lady Maeve and McKendricks had arrived. Both smiled wickedly, their faces inhuman in the torch light.

"Hello, Keela." Lady Maeve said. Her teeth looked sharp enough to cut through skin and muscle. "Hello, boys." 

A hand held mine, pulling me into a hard chest. 

"Lady Maeve," Aghaidh stepped forward, bowing slightly at the waist. "It is not safe for a lady out in the forest at night. Please allow me to accompany you back to the manor." 

Maeve waved her hand, and Aghaidh's hands went to his throat. He choked, horrible wheezing sounds escaping from his quickly darkening lips. Iasan stepped forward, catching Aghaidh when he fell backward. He reached with steady hands to his waist, removing herbs from the pouch he kept there. 

"Don't bother," Maeve said. "He's beyond weeds and flowers." 

I stepped forward. Even if I didn't love him, Aghaidh was my friend. Finn held me back and when I looked up at him, shook his head. "I'm sorry," he whispered to me. 

Balthair moved to kneel next to Iasan and leaned close to Aghaidh's face. I could hear him whispering, though he was too quiet for me to make out what he was saying. I saw Aghaidh's hands leave his throat and wrap around Balthair's arm. I saw his heels dig into the soft loamy ground, and then I saw them relax and splay widely. I covered my mouth with my hand when I wanted to choke out a cry. I looked toward the lake, hoping that the undine would arrive and undo Maeve's magic. 

Finn began to drag me backward, I stepped with him, one foot after the other until he froze. 

"No," Lady Maeve warned, tsking. "I've looked for her for too long. You're not taking her anywhere. 

Finn held my arms, but the shirts were still in my hand. I tried to push them toward Finn, but he couldn't take them. Instead, with only his fingers, he buried them beneath my shawl. I reached up, tying the knot tighter to keep them from falling.

I heard the rattle of metal on metal, and we were surrounded by soldiers. "Bring the men with us, and the girl," McKendricks directed.

"The witch," Lady Maeve corrected. "Bring the witch so we can burn her."