Out of My League

Chapter Thirty-four: I want her

Alyssa's POV

"Good Morning." Bati ng isang nakangiting Dennise pagmulat ko. Nasa tabi siya ng kama at nakatingin sakin, yakap-yakap ang puting teddy bear na binigay ko sakanya. Pinikit ko ulit ang mga mata ko pagkakita ko sakanya dahil pakiramdam ko sasabog na ang dibdib ko sa tuwa at hindi ko makontrol. Ganyan ba naman kagandang mukha ang bumungad sayo first thing in the morning, dika ba maooverwhelm? Tumalikod ako mula sakanya at palihim na ngumiti.

Waaaah! Sheeeems! Bakit ba ang ganda ganda niya? Tapos nakangiti na siya e ang aga-aga pa naman!

"Hey! Gising na!" Sabi niya ulit pero diko siya pinansin. Naramdaman ko nalang na nakadagan na siya sakin at nakayakap. Ang mukha niya ay nakasiksik na sa may leeg ko. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang mainit niyang paghinga. Ramdam ko ang pagtibok ng puso niya. Ramdam na ramdam ko ang paggalaw ng mga labi niya at kumurbang ngiti. "I prepared breakfast for you, besh. You better get up. Iiyak ako bahala ka." Nagtatampo ang boses niya.

Hindi ko alam, pero nung narinig ko yung huli niyang sinabi, kahit alam kong nagbibiro lang ito, I unconciously faced her. Napalingon ako agad na hindi ko na namalayang wala na pala ang mukha niya na nakasiksik sa leeg ko. Paglingon ko ay nakatingin na pala siya sakin. Her hands still wrapped on my waist. Our faces we're just half an inch apart. Sa gulat ko ay hindi ako nakagalaw. Shit! She's so close! Too close! I reminded myself but I can't move. She, too didn't move. Napalunok ako ng ilang beses. Ang bilis bilis ng tibok ng puso ko. Parang may mga naghahabulan sa sistema ko. Parang nawala lahat ng bagay sa paligid ko.

At sa sandaling iyon, naramdaman kong, umikot ang buo kong mundo kay Dennise.

I looked into those warm beautiful ocean blue eyes. It made me calm, but at the same time, it consumed me. I was drowning. I was looking for an escape, for a life saver. But how can I look for a life saver if the person who's drowning me, is also the person who can save me? I never had her this close. Yung walang halong biro. Just an spontaneous moment I want to last forever. I was too contented with this. Yung malapit siya sakin, sobrang lapit niya sakin pero pakiramdam ko pati siya ayaw niyang lumayo.

To my surprise, she moved closer. Close enough to feel her forehead on mine. Close enough to let our noses touch. She closed her eyes, pero bago ko rin pinikit ang mga mata ko nakita ko ang maliit na ngiti na nabuo sa mga mapupula at manipis niyang labi.

I love her too much.

I love every bit of her.

How can I even look for another person who can make me happy? She hurts me, yes. But she's also the reason of my happiness. Without her, I'll be miserable.

"I love you." I whispered. Hindi ko yun sinasadya. Hindi ko inaakalang masasabi ko yun ng ganon kalakas. Para akong trinaydor ng dila at bibig ko. Para akong binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Sa gulat ko, napamulat ako at lumayo sakanya.

Tiningnan lang niya ako na para bang nagtatanong. Bakit ako lumayo?

Kasi nasabi ko na naman yun sakanya. Nasabi ko naman ang mga salitang yun na alam ko namang wala ring patutunguhan kasi hindi niya ako mahal higit pa sa kung anong meron kami ngayon. It's hard to love someone who can't love you back the way you wanted her too.

Yes, I know that she loves me, but I also know how hard I wish and hope that, that love is enough. Because I'm looking for more. I want her. I want her affection, her attention, I want her heart to beat because of me. I want her to feel butterflies because I'm close enough to her. I want her to want me. I need her to need me as much as I need her.

I want to be the reason she wakes up every morning. I want to be the person who she can call "Mine".

I want her to be the question and my answers at the same time. Her mood swings? I will love them more than anything else. She's annoying and weird but I want her to know that even if that's so, I still want her.