Out of My League

Chapter Fifty-One: God's better way

Dennise's POV

After a year, I can say that I have already recovered. The cut in my wrist reminds me of that nightmare I've been in but it also reminds me of how strong I have become.

I saw who are really the people who love me and care for me. I have seen them shed tears in front of me because I am hurting myself. I am breaking even more.

Maybe, there are reasons why that kind of thing happened to me. Yes, it has taken a huge part of myself. I was ripped into pieces by the very person I first loved. I was dismantled by the very man I thought could never hurt me again. I was devastated. I wanted to die. I thought I will forever be good for nothing, but I was wrong.

I witnessed my family's effort to make me smile eventhough I didn't do what they wanted to happen for a month or so. Naging pabigat ako sakanila lalong-lalo na kay Alyssa.

My Alyssa.

I heard her cry herself to sleep every night, thinking that I am already in a deep slumber but I wasn't. I have watched herself take all the blame of what happened to me pero ni wala man lang akong ginawa para sabihin sakanyang hindi niya kasalanan ang nangyari sa'kin. I feel her kisses and I love yous everytime and it hurts me to not be able to say them back. Because I thought I stopped deserving her already when I was taken away by another person.

She was supposed to be the person to whom I have given up my everything. Willingly and lovingly.

I was about to give up but everytime I see her, everytime I see my family, my friends, I always find a reason to continue and move on. To let go.

It is very overwhelming, to see someone who still looks at you like you're still the person you are before the tragedy. Like you are still whole. You are still you.

They have given me the pieces I missed and lost after the crime. They fixed my broken persona, my broken self and soul.

And maybe that's what love does. It sees you as the perfect person you never were. It gives you the feeling of giving up just to feel the stronger pull of fighting. For yourself, for your family and for your friends, and for your other half.

Bigla kong naisip si Myco.

My first love. But the demon who made me experience hell. At this moment, wala na akong maramdamang galit para sakanya. Wala na akong maramdang kahit ano. Wala na akong maisisi sakanya.
Awa. Yun nalang siguro.

Napatawad ko na ang sarili ko sa mga nangyari, at siguro kasabay ng pagpapatawad na ginawa ko ay ang pagpapalaya rin sa sakal at pagkamuhi kay Myco dahil sa ginawa niya sakin. Pero alam kong hindi ako magiging malaya kailanman kung hindi ko siya patatawarin. Kung hindi ko siya haharapin.

Siguro it's about time, I face him. Not with anger but with forgiveness.

Pinapanood ko si Alyssa at ang mga teammates namin na naglalaro ng "Tumbang preso" para sa katuwaan lang. Naghahabulan sila sa labas ng dorm dahil doon nila naisipang maglaro. Mga isip-bata talaga kahit kailan.

Bumalik na rin akong dorm and nagpatuloy sa mga dati kong ginagawa. Fortunately, nakakahabol pa naman ako kahit na mahirap. Lalo na sa school. Ang alam nilang rason ay nagkaroon ng business matters ang family ko sa ibang bansa at kailangan nila akong ipadala doon.

Tanging mga malalapit na mga tao lang sa akin ang nakakaalam ng totoong nangyari.

"Ly!" Tawag ko sa tumatawa kong kasintahan ng tamaan niya ng tsinelas ang mukha ni Beadel imbis na ang latang binabantayan nito. "Po?" Sabi nito at nag-time out muna sa mga kalaro niya. Lumapit siya sa akin at hinalikan ako sa pisngi. Tumabi siya at niyakap ako. Sobrang pawis na pawis pa naman to!