Love Letters to You [On Hold]

twenty six.

Entry #26
November 27th, 2034

I'm actually really surprised you let me keep my journal.

I thought you would tell me that it could only get us caught or something along those lines, but you seemed to understand that writing down my thoughts were the only way I could truly process what was going on.

For instance, you dropped the bombshell on me yesterday. My history teacher had fooled me into thinking the blood curse was an actual thing, when it really wasn't. Some history teacher!

But you told me the truth. You told me the king's son was killed by a gay man.

And I really really hate myself for asking this...

But...

Was it you?

There's a part of me that knows it couldn't have been you, but there's another part of me that speculates that maybe, just maybe, it's the reason why you are so passionate about killing the king.

Maybe you want to be king. That would be an interesting thing to see. Maybe if everything goes well, I can be your queen, or co-king, or whatever you're supposed to call it. Maybe the king knows what you did to his son. Maybe he has a vendetta against you. Maybe the war was all a stunt. Maybe you were the one he was truly searching for, but he figured he might as well kill all the other homosexuals in the process.

Or maybe I'm just making up stuff.

I've had a lot of time to myself, you see. We spent our night cooped up in an abandoned house and because you wanted to take advantage of our alone time, you made love to me again. I will admit that it felt good in the moment but it's the morning after and everything feels a bit sore.

I strolled in the kitchen where you were making breakfast with ingredients that I had no idea how you obtained. Your head was a tousled mess of dark hair, but you still looked beautiful—groomed or not.

"Hey, Cal," you exclaimed as soon as you saw me. "You sleep okay?"

I nodded.

"I'm making eggs and bacon. I'm not much of a cook, but it'll have to do."

"Eggs and bacon sound delicious," I responded with a small smile.

You didn't reply after that, but you didn't need to. I could tell you were focused on trying to make the perfect breakfast for me and that made me smile. But I needed to voice my thoughts to someone. I love my journal with all my heart, but it can't answer all the questions probing my mind. The only one who can satisfy my curiosity is you ... if you're willing.

"Nate?"

You lifted your head to look at me, forest green eyes wide with anticipation.

"I've been thinking about what you said, about the king's son, and..." I paused to think about how I would phrase my next sentence. "Did you kill him?"

Your face went blank. "What?"

"If you did, then that's okay. I'll still love you, but I just wanna know."

You shook your head. "No, I did not."

"Are you sure?" I kept prying, though I knew better than to piss you off.

You sent me a cold glare.

I stumbled for something else to say. "OK, well how did you know what happened to the king's son? It didn't make headline news, did it?"

"No," you said briefly as you flipped the scrambled eggs onto a plate. "I know because the king's son was my boyfriend."

I certainly wasn't expecting that.

"Did you love him?" I found myself asking. I know I'm a little jealous, but I can't help it. Even if he's dead.

"No," you answered simply.

"Then why was he your boyfriend?"

You responded with, "You don't have to love your boyfriend."

"But I'm your boyfriend," I added, "you love me, right?"

You stuffed a piece of bacon into your mouth and mumbled, "'Course." It wasn't as reassuring as I wanted it to be, but it's too late to be picky.

I tried to put myself into your position. If someone killed you, I wouldn't know how to live. I wouldn't be able to sleep, eat, speak, or do anything. Which makes me wonder how you can move on like nothing happened?

I didn't ask you that, though. I learned to pick and choose my battles. If I wanted to quench my curiosity, then I needed to do it in doses. Bombarding you with questions all at once would make you frustrated with me and that's the last thing I want.

"What are we doing today?" I asked, instead.

Your lips stretched into a full grin, showing that you were excited about the subject. "Funny that you should ask..."

I raised a prompting brow, hinting for you to continue.

"Because we're robbing a bank."