Love Letters to You [On Hold]

seventeen.

Entry #17
November 9th, 2034

Today is our ten day anniversary, and I feel really stupid for saying that because anniversaries only happen once a year. But calling it an anniversary makes it sound more official.

You invited me over so that we could listen to your favorite band, The Roaches. I don't know much about them, other than all their songs consist of heavy heavy screaming and clashing metal sounds. It's not really my taste, but it's yours, and it makes you so happy, so I bear it.

"This song is called Kill Me in My Dreams," you told me as you bobbed your head to the beat of the song.

I forced a smile. "Sounds comforting."

You gave me a quick skeptical look before turning the knob down on your stereo. "You all right? I never really asked you how you were coping with what happened in the woods the other day."

To tell you the truth, it scared the hell out of me when you murdered that guy. And that should tell you something because I've never used a bad word before. My dad uses bad words all the time, and my mom reprimands him for it. She always tells me that good boys don't use bad words. But I've realized that the more I hang out with you, I don't feel good. I feel like a bad person.

But I couldn't tell you that, so I just smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Your lips pulled back into that beautiful smile of yours and you gave me a quick peck on the lips. "I have something I want to show you."

My heart started doing cartwheels in my chest. I thought you would give me a ten day anniversary present and I knew that would make me love you even more for counting the days like I do.

But I should've known you weren't the type of person to do that, because you reached under your bed and pulled out a solider's gun. Even though I've seen my brother's guns plenty of times, I've never actually seen one up close.

It was cool-looking, with a white and smooth exterior. Blue and purple lines ran across the sides, leading up to the several small red buttons. Each button held a different function and I knew one of them had the power to shoot.

"Where'd you get that?" I asked you.

"I went back into the woods and stole it from that guy," was your response as your forest green eyes admired the gun. "I've been trying to figure out how it works. It's pretty cool, right? There's a little camera here that locks a target, so you really don't need any shooting experience. And it's quiet. So if we ever come across those bad guys, I can blast 'em with this, and no one will ever have to know."

I wanted to say something. I wanted to tell you that carrying around this gun would be dangerous, but I couldn't bring myself to.

"Wanna see?" You asked me, raising an inquiring brow.

I really didn't, but I could tell you were desperately wanting to show me. "Okay."

You stood to your feet and aimed the gun at one of the posters on the wall behind me. "I'm gonna shoot that poster, okay?"

I mentally prepared myself for what was about to happen. "Okay."

It took you forever to press the red button that I thought you decided not to do it anymore. I nearly flinched when I heard the whooshing sound resulting from the bullet exiting the barrel. I assumed you had hit your target based on all the information you told me, but you were looking at me with such a panicked look on your face.

"Cal..."

And that's when I felt it. Right there in my shoulder. The bullet.

I glanced down at the wound and saw that dark liquid was already starting to seep out of it, and a searing pain followed. I looked back to you for confirmation, but you just stood there with a dumb look on your face.

"Nate!" I cried out, practically on the verge of tears. My hands began to tremble as the pain grew more excruciating and the blood poured out more heavily.

You rushed to my side and assessed the damage with a wild look in your green eyes. "Uh, um ... I, uh, what do I do?!"

"Take me to the hospital."

"I can't!" You snapped at me. "The bullets are engraved with the King's name. If the doctors see it, they'll know you were shot by a solider and it'll give them a reason to kill you."

The tears were flowing steadily now. "Nate," I whimpered. "It hurts."

You ran a hand through your dark hair, contemplating what to do. "Okay, uh, I'm going to take the bullet out." And you did. Your fingers wiggled their way into the wound and it hurt so much, but you were able to get it out.

"It's still bleeding," I noted.

"I know, um..." You searched frantically around the room until your eyes landed on a bottle of rubbing alcohol on your desk. You grabbed the bottle, tore open the cap and dumped all of its contents onto my shoulder. It stung, a lot. It probably hurt more than the bullet did, but you reassured me by saying, "I think you're gonna be all right, Cal."

You combed your fingers through my curly hair and smiled weakly at me.

If looks could kill, you would have been cremated by now. "Don't touch me."

You frowned. "Cal..."

"I want to go home," I spat at you in a dry, bitter tone.

"No, you can't go home! I don't want your parents to see you like this. Just stay here. We can talk and do something else. No more guns, I promise."

You acted like nothing just happened. You acted like everything was okay. You acted like you didn't just shoot me.

"If it's not guns, then it's going to be something else. Why do you always put me in danger?"

Your eyes widened and you grabbed onto my face, staring deeply into my eyes. "Cal, listen to me. I would never try to hurt you on purpose. This was an accident. I thought I had the gun all figured out, but it's obvious I need more practice. I feel horrible for hurting you, but I didn't mean to hurt you. You know that."

I knew I could never stay mad at you for long, because you were you. I might have disagreed with all of your choices, but I never hated you for any of them. How could I? How could I hate someone who smiled so wonderfully? How could I hate someone who made me feel weird inside? How could I hate someone who just kept getting cuter by the second?

You threw your arms around me and pulled me into a tight embrace. "I love you, Cal. I love you."

I will admit that I'm stupid for ever liking you in the first place. None of this would have ever happened if I ignored you and tried to keep my mind on girls, like I was supposed to. But it's too late now, because I've already fallen for you. And to know that you've fallen for me too makes my heart beat a thousand times faster.

Because how could I hate someone who loved me?

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A/N: You guys are truly amazing. I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so far and I love you guys for sticking around to read it!