Love Letters to You [On Hold]

ten.

Entry #10
October 29th, 2034

You sure know how to make me angry, Nate.

If it isn't because I know that I shouldn't be liking you, then it's because you do some really. Really. Really. Dumb things. You have no idea how much I want to punch someone right now and I'm never violent.

When I decided to bake you mint chocolate cookies, it wasn't because of your shaggy brown hair or your deep green eyes. It wasn't because of the way you wear your jeans so low around your waist. It wasn't because the way you smile that comical grin like you don't have a single care in the world.

It was because I was trying to be nice.

I know you've been going through some tough times, and I wanted to cheer you up with mint chocolate cookies. Because mint chocolate cheers everyone up!

The last thing I expected was to step into your house with a big friendly smile on my face and a container filled with delicious cookies in my hands, only to see Dana stretched along one of your white sofas. The same sofa you told me not to sit on because it drives your mom insane.

"You can just put them on that counter over there, Cal," you pointed out but I ignored you completely.

My eyes were trained on who I thought was my best friend sprawled out on your sofa. "Dana?"

She snapped her attention to me and her dark eyes lit up with excitement. "Cal!" She exclaimed. "Oh my gosh, what are you doing here? I didn't know you and Nate were friends."

I wanted to punch her. So bad. "I didn't know you and Nate were friends," I retorted with a deadly glare.

You came over and swung an arm around her shoulder. "We're dating."

And I swore my heart sunk to my knees at that very instant. How could she be your girlfriend and I didn't know about it? Granted, Dana and I never really talked about anything ... But you should've told me! I think I deserve that don't I? After all, I baked you freaking mint chocolate cookies!

All this time, I thought you were moping around in your room about you parents. And what were you doing? Rolling around the sheets with my friend?

You must've understood how I felt in that moment. I felt betrayed. Not only would I have to deal with the fact that you're probably never going to see me that way, I also had to deal with the fact that you saw Dana that way.

I couldn't have that happen. Somehow, I found a way to cope with not being able to hold you close. But that meant if I couldn't have you, then Dana couldn't either.

As I'm writing this, I'm starting to think that maybe you're not the bad person. Maybe I am. Maybe I've lost all sense of control that the thought of you being with someone else has taken me out of character.

Because when I stood there, watching you two hug and be too close for my liking, I snapped.

"Why?" I asked. "Didn't you know that Dana has two moms? On second thought, she had two moms because they were slaughtered for being such despicable faggots!"

Your jaw dropped in shock. "What?"

Dana gave me a pleading look with her eyes. "Cal..."

I shook my head. "She's probably one of them. Those disgusting little homos!"

You stopped hugging her right then and you took a couple steps back. "Whoa, I had no idea."

I saw the tears in Dana's eyes, but I still couldn't stop. "I hope she dies just like her dyke moms."

Dana shook her head in disbelief and she ran out of the house, crying.

In the moment, I felt good. But now I feel horrible. I know I shouldn't have done that to her. I had no right. But the way I feel about you has developed into something that I can't understand. You made me like this, Nate.

Later that day, you called me to tell me you broke it off with Dana. Then you thanked me for helping you dodge a bullet and you started talking about some stupid game.

And for the first time, I didn't want to listen to your voice.

A/N: picture of cal to the side -->