Love Letters to You [On Hold]

fifteen.

Entry #15
November 7th, 2034

I kept telling myself that it couldn't have been so easy to kill that solider in the woods. I kept wondering where you learned to do that because that guy was trained to kill, and you just did it like it was nothing. I kept seeing you stab him over and over and over and over again.

But you kept insisting that it was fine.

"Calm down, Cal," you told me once we were in your driveway. "He was going to kill us. I did what I had to do."

I understood why you did it, but I didn't understand why you were so nonchalant about it. Like killing someone didn't affect you at all. "Nate?"

You glanced over at me with a questioning look on your face. The blood was still splattered all over your face and it was such an unbearable sight that I had to look away. "Um, have you ever ... killed someone before?"

You seemed momentarily puzzled by my question, like I had accused you of doing something horrible. Even so, you still didn't respond. "You worry too much, Cal. I'll see you tomorow, yeah? Goodnight." And then you disappeared into your house, leaving me in your driveway with a million questions running through my mind.

But I think I got the answer to one of them. You have killed someone before.

When I walked through my front door, my mom was waiting for me on the sofa. Her bushy brown curls were pulled back into some sort of ponytail and she was wearing her glasses. Something had to be wrong because she never wore her glasses.

"Nice to see you again, Cal," she said in that tone that mothers do when they know their kids are up to something. "Hey, where's the candy you went to get, huh?"

Oh, crap. "Uh, they didn't ... Um, have the one that I liked."

She just sat there, drilling holes into my head with her deadly stare. "Uh huh," she huffed. "Now, where were you really? Cal, please don't tell me you were out with a girl. You are way too young for-"

I balled my hands into fists. Why was everyone pointing out my age all of a sudden? "I wasn't out with a girl, Mom. I was with my friends."

She quirked an arched brow. "Your friends?"

"Yeah."

If her eyes could have fallen out of their sockets, they would have. "Cal!" She cooed. "I am so proud of you. I've been wanting you to get friends for the longest time! Well, what are you waiting for? Tell me about them. What are they like? Maybe we can have them over for dinner."

I hated when my mom got all excited like that, and I really didn't want to continue my lie about my imaginary friends, so I said, "I'm tired. Can I go to bed?"

I could tell she was disappointed that she wouldn't get to hear about my friends, but maybe it was better that way. Dad will do something that will make her mad, and she'll forget that I even said anything.

"Oh, of course honey. It is getting pretty late. Good night." She peeled back her lips into a motherly smile, and I took that as my cue to leave.

As soon as I swung open the door to my bedroom, I saw a small blonde girl who looked about my age sitting on my bed, staring back at me. "Um..."

"Oh hey, Cal!" I heard my dad call out as he appeared by my side and entered my room. "You're back. Awesome. You remember my coworker, Gary?"

I don't think I could ever forget him. He kept making crude jokes about what he would do to my mom when he got the chance. Hopefully, he'll never get that chance.

"Yeah," I said while still keeping my eyes glued to the girl on my bed.

"Well, this is his daughter. Gary and I thought it'd be a great idea to have you two embark on adulthood together." He was smiling a really creepy smile a he said it.

"What?"

He placed a hand on my shoulder. "You're going to have sex with this pretty girl right now. There's no better way for you to become an adult than to have sex for the first time! Besides, I don't want you to wait too long and you end up having some homo tendencies." He looked over to the blonde girl. "And that goes for you too."

It was the most unbelievable thing I have ever heard. I couldn't believe that my dad was forcing me to make love to a girl that I didn't even know! "Dad, I don't think-"

"You don't need to think, son," he reassured me as he fished out a small foil package from his pocket and handed it to me. "You only get one shot, so do it right and please her well." He left before I could protest any more, leaving me to stare back at the mysterious blonde girl.

"So, should we start by taking off our clothes?" She asked me. Her voice was soft and delicate, like a flower if you can imagine a flower talking.

There was no way I was going to make love to her. I wouldn't want to betray you like that. "Look, um, you're pretty and I bet you're really nice, but I'm ... sorta seeing someone, like romantically."

She titled her head to the side in confusion. "Then why did your dad try to set us up if you're..."

"He doesn't know," I said quickly. Hopefully, I would be able to avoid the topic of you if I responded in the right way.

She grew even more confused. "Why wouldn't you tell him that you ..." And then her words trailed off and she glanced back at me with big electric blue eyes. "It's a boy," she concluded.

I think I'm really bad at keeping secrets. I couldn't think of a better lie to cover up this whole mess, so I just nodded.

She smiled. "It's okay. I'm seeing someone too."

"A girl?" I asked.

She nodded.

"Wow, that's such a coincidence," I laughed quietly. "What's she like?"

"She's really smart and really funny and she's like my best friend. We tell each other everything," she told me with a grin on her face. I could tell by her grin that her girlfriend meant the world to her.

You mean the world to me, and I'd like to think that I mean the world to you. But some of the stuff that you do, some of the stuff that you say, it makes me doubt us.