Love Letters to You [On Hold]

six.

Entry #6
October 13th, 2034

Sometimes I think about what would happen if you weren't my neighbor.

What if you moved into the house at the end of the street next to the old lady who just never seems to die? What if you moved into one of the houses in the next town over? What if you moved to a different state?

Maybe if I didn't have to see you everyday when I go to school, everyday when I come home, and everyday when you stop by to ask for milk because your mom loves milkshakes but she never remembers to buy milk, then maybe I wouldn't like you as much as I do.

But then other times I think about how lucky I am to have you as my neighbor. You make me excited every time I see you. I smile more often now, even my mom notices. When you talk to me, I get this crazy feeling in my stomach. I think it's called butterflies, but that makes me sound like a lovesick girl, so we'll just stick with that crazy feeling in my stomach.

You got popular really fast but I expected that. How could you not? Everyone welcomed you with opened arms at school and now you don't need me to show you the ropes anymore. But that's okay, as long as you still stop by for milk because your mom loves milkshakes and can never remember to buy milk, I'm happy.

But yesterday when you stopped by, you didn't ask for milk.

"Hey, Cal," you greeted me with that brilliant smile of yours.

I smiled back at you. "Hi Nate. Need more milk?"

You stared at me for some time before your eyes dropped to the floor. "No, actually, I came here to invite you to a party tonight."

That crazy feeling in my stomach came back again. "Really?" I might have sounded way too eager, but it was the happiest I've been all day.

"Yeah," was your short response. You just stood there in your loose fitting jeans, leaning against the door frame, and gazing down at me with lazy eyes. "So, you coming?" Your teeth caught onto your bottom lip as you stared at me in anticipation. You couldn't have looked sexier.

There. I used that word again for the second time.

I've been trying to find other things to call sexy, but it just doesn't work. I think that you're the true definition of the word.

"Yeah," I agreed. "Yeah, lemme just ask my mom."

And so I did. And she was so happy that I was getting out of the house that she practically ushered me out the door. You laughed at her and I tried to laugh too. But I didn't find it funny.

The party was at some random person's house. When we got inside, your new friends greeted you and you greeted them back. You hollered at them, did cool handshakes with them, and told inside jokes with them.

Why don't we ever do that?

Soon enough, you got too caught up with your friends that you ditched me. You left me alone in a place where I knew no one, and I think you knew that.

So I wandered around aimlessly, hoping to pass the time. I convinced myself you'd find me when you were ready to go but you never came back for me. I was starting to think you forgot about me because your new friends are cooler than I am.

But then you found me miraculously. I remember you wrapped your arms around my neck and tugged me towards one of the vacant corners. The music was too loud so you had to shout, "I wanna show you something!"

I instantly forgave you for ditching me. Suddenly, it didn't matter. What mattered is that you came back for me. "What is it?" I shouted back.

You leaned into me with your emerald eyes burning into mine. "Come on," you insisted as you clutched onto my wrist and pulled me into another direction. You were holding me a little too tight that it hurt, but I couldn't find the words to tell you to stop.

You took me to an empty bedroom that smelled like dirty socks and horrible body odor, but you didn't seem mind. Instead, you shut the door behind us and sat on the floor with your legs folded under your bottom.

"What is it?" I asked again.

You raked a hand through your hair and pointed to the TV set in the corner of the room. "Look what I found." As you crawled towards the set, I thought you looked like a little kid, and then you turned the TV on and a pixilated hologram erupted from the screen.

The holograms were of large men dressed in weird uniforms with ugly helmets on their heads. Every time a whistle blew, one of the big men threw a strange object to another man. He would start to run but someone else would tackle him to the ground. A series of grunts erupted from the both of them and I had to look away.

I heard of stuff like that before in my history class. They called it porn. It's unheard of nowadays because the king banned all of it.

"Why are you watching this, Nate!" I yelled at the top of my lungs. Part of me was curious as to what would happen between the two men, but part of me knew it was also wrong.

You pulled your brows into a frown. "It's called football," you told me.

I glanced back at the TV and suddenly it made sense. "Football." I didn't know much about football but I knew it was banned too because it provoked homosexuality. Now there weren't any girl sports or boy sports. There were just sports where everyone played together.

"It looks fun, doesn't it?" You asked me and I thought you were joking.

"No," I spat.

You looked at me with disbelief. "Oh, come on! Don't you want to play it with me?"

"It's forbidden."

You seemed to snap out of whatever trance you were in. "You're right," you admitted. "Please don't tell anyone about this."

I felt pure happiness. You were trusting me with your secret and suddenly your new friends didn't matter. Maybe you had cool handshakes with them, but we had a secret together. And I think that's way more cool.

"I won't," I told you and I hope you know that I meant it.