Gas Mask ※ A Peterick AU

09| Colouring Book

{Triggering Content}

Patrick

I sighed as I leaned my head against the wall. He's been gone for hours, and I haven't eaten since yesterday. I frown and look down at my stomach as it growls for what felt like the hundredth time that day. Hopefully he'll be back soon, I can't take this anymore. I can't take any of this anymore; but I need to. I need to know what he's going to do to my mother, why he has fucking cameras set up in our house.

Speaking of cameras, I look up at the laptop, hoping to see a glimpse of my mom. But I don't. She's been gone all day, hopefully looking for me, but I'm not so sure. Nothing on the screen has moved. For a while I thought it was all frozen, that either the man was playing a joke on me or the laptop glitched out. But as it got later in the day the shadows and light on the ground moved around.

Once I realized nothing was going to happen I grabbed the colouring book from the ground. I picked it up and looked through the pages, seeing countless cartoon animals and wildlife. I had coloured about one third of the book, and the rest was empty. At least I thought it was. As I neared the end of the book I stopped when seeing a sudden burst of colours. I scanned the picture, feeling a lump in my throat rise.

It was a picture of deer family; the parents and two fawns. The parents watched with big smiles as their kids played in the flower field, smiles on their own faces. It reminded me of my family, at least the family I had. But two members were dead, and the remaining two were probably going to be killed soon. But I just didn't care anymore. When I first got here I was a mess, and now, I just don't care.

I looked down at the bottom right corner of the paper, seeing a name. Annabelle. I smiled small as I noticed the 'B' was backwards, the little girl that coloured this must've been around five or so. My sister used to do the same thing when she was little, she'd always put the 'R's in her name backwards. She did it all the way up until she died. When I asked her why she said it made her "different", something she loved to be.

She was the more outgoing kid, always joining to sports teams or clubs at school. She had this goal, where everyday she'd try to make a new friend. And she always reached it, she'd come home from school and talk about the person she met on the playground, or the kid she sat next to at lunch. She would also always wear one yellow item, she claimed it was to make others happy when they were around her. "Yellow is a happy colour." She'd always say matter of factly.

But I was the complete opposite. I always wore dark clothes, to reflect how I felt and just because I liked how they looked. I only had a few friends, even though I was considered "popular" at school. But that was just because I became friends with Joe and Andy, they were the cool ones and I was the quiet friend that was always with them. But when I wasn't with them I'd be alone in my room either listening to music or watching tv shows.

While my sister was doing everything right with her life and pleasing my parents I'd be skipping school or doing stupid shit with Joe and Andy, like getting a stranger to buy us cheap bear at the 7eleven so we could get drunk under the bridge. But even though I did all of that I was still a good brother; I'd take my sister out for ice cream, or go to the park with her, sometimes we'd go down to the bridge and throw rocks into the water.

You'd think I'd hater her, for being the 'angel' child that always got my parents' attention while I was the troublemaker that was ignored. But I didn't, I want factually thankful for it. I was a young teen that was dealing with my own problems, like fitting in with the other kids, or coming to terms with my sexuality which I had recently discovered. And she kept all that focus and pressure off of me, so I was grateful.

After the accident which killed her and my dad things got worse for me. I barely went to class, and when I did I wouldn't pay attention. I started going to more parties with the boys, always getting drunk. This was also around the time I started high school, so having to deal with all that work and being pressured by everyone to dress a certain way or talk a certain way was to much and it caused me to do something I never thought I'd do. Self harm.