Fallen

Chapter 8

“Tell me something Conor,” we were both laying on my bed facing each other,looking into each other’s eyes. We had been like this for ages now, it was peaceful but something popped in my mind that I was dying to ask me. He looked up at me through his long lashes and his bright blue eyes burned into mine. “Why did you get involved with a gang?” He didn’t reply at first but eventually he sat up and rested on one of his elbows, still looking at me.

“Well, my younger brother, Jack, he was getting bullied by someone from one of the gangs around here so I went and sorted him out…Someone saw what I did and asked me to join there gang, I said yes at the time but I didn’t know what I had gotten myself into, now it’s like second nature to do what I do, I don’t think about it, take the incident with Paul the other day, he infuriated me and I didn’t think twice about my actions.” I took in all he was saying and I just nodded my head. We were silent again until I had another question to ask him.

“Do you like being in a gang? I mean do you regret choosing to be in one? Surely its dangerous and you can get in a load of shit right?” I looked up at him again and his face looked sad.

“I liked it at the time, I felt strong and powerful but now I regret it all the time, yeah we can get in a load of shit so we’ve just got to be careful and not fuck off the bigger gangs that we can’t handle.”

“If you don’t like being in the gang why don’t you just…leave?” He chuckled at my question and I waited for him to answer. 

“It’s not as easy as that, the leader of the gang, Jack Haze, he won’t let you just ‘leave’ and if you try and run away, he’ll find you and to say the least, you won’t be seen again.” Conor’s face was emotionless and I looked into his eyes and saw a spark of emotion. I think he was scared?

“Have you ever thought about trying to run away? Get away from it all? Try and leave everything behind?” He nodded his head.

“All the time, but I know he’d find me, he always does, there’s no point of even trying, he would just kill me.”

“We could run away you know, me and you, I’d go with you if you asked me to…you deserve better than this, you’re a lovely boy, you deserve better than the life you’ve been given, you deserve to live a happier life.”

“You’d do that for me?” I nodded my head but Conor sighed. “And then what? Where would we go and besides, if he found us he’d kill us both and I would have broken my only promise to you.” I shook my head.

“He wouldn’t find us, we’d run and never look back, you and me.” I grabbed his hand and held it in mine. He smiled at me but shook his head.

“As good as that sounds, I couldn’t put you in that danger, this is my problem (Y/N), not yours okay.” He kissed the top of my head and my heart ached for Conor, he wanted to get out of the life he had unknowingly chosen but he couldn’t, he was stuck in it and there were very few ways of getting out of it.

“I’m going to help you with this Conor,” Conor suddenly got up off the bed and turned around with a stern look on his face. “What?”

“No you’re not, you’re not getting involved with my shit okay, you’re going to get yourself into a load of shit if you do, so just keep out of my business okay?! This is not your problem, it’s mine, not yours. I know you care about me but you need to realise I’m not a little boy and I can take care of myself and I don’t need you of all people to try and help me.” I glared at him from across the room, his attitude had changed so quickly.

“What’s you’re fucking problem Conor? I’m just trying to help?” He flew his hands in the air and waved them around.

“I don’t need your help (Y/N), so just stay out of my business from now on okay!” My eyebrows furrowed, I don’t know why he’s acting like this. He sighed and his face relaxed. “I’m sorry…I just don’t want you get involved with this shit okay?” he slowly walked over to me again and laid on the bed and looked into my eyes. He placed one of his hands on my cheek and the other in my hand. “I would never forgive myself if you got hurt (Y/N), if someone ever hurt you I’d-” He shook his head trying to get rid of the image of someone hurting me.

“Conor, I’m not going to get hurt okay, as long as you’re here to protect me,” I gave him a wink but he nodded his head sternly.

“I will, even if it kills me (Y/N).” He placed his forehead onto mine and we stayed like this for a few minutes. I could hear Conor’s breathing increasing slightly and I smiled at him. “Can I try something?” I just nodded my head and he smiled to himself. He did nothing at first but after a few seconds his lips pressed on to mine softly. Our lips moved in sink and the kiss was becoming more intense. Conor pinned me down on the bed with his body on top of me. Our lips parted but were soon placed on each other’s again. The kiss didn’t feel wrong, the complete opposite actually, it felt so…right. Natural.

“What was that for?” I managed to say when our lips finally parted for the second time. A smile spread across both of our faces.

“I thought it was necessary.” Conor gave me a wink and I laughed, adrenaline still pumping through my veins. “What do we do now?”

“You tell me…”