Almost Normal

Chapter 21

A/N- Merry Christmas!! Hey sorry for the wait on this chapter. I was consumed by my own hell I like to call "finals week" and didn't get out of school until yesterday ;-( but luckily, I am back and destroying all of your feels! This is more of a filler chapter, but will definitely lead up for the next chapter (Which I'm hoping to post sometime this week or next week so stay tuned!) which I know will cause tears for everyone. Also, this chapter is dedicated to mychemicalarmin, who is an amazing writer and I hope that she feels better soon! <3 But without further waiting, here is chapter 21! Happy Reading and Happy Holiday's-Zenovia

Armin's POV

Chapter 21

It's been about a month since I exploded, and my envy hasn't gone away in the slightest.

It's almost the end of May which means that I'm drowning in all the finals that I have. Luckily, this gives me an excuse of telling Eren that I can't hang out with him. He's been texting me every single day, making sure that everything's still okay. I don't know if Mikasa talked to him or something, but he just won't stop asking me if we can hang out. Now normally, I would say yes to his invitation, but I just know that Levi would be right next to Eren if we would hang out. I really can't handle seeing them together after my little meltdown, so I've been distancing myself from the brunette like never before.

"It's for the better," I tell myself. But the longer I push myself away, I can slowly feel myself losing my self control against the demons that reside in my bathroom drawer.

I've completely just given up on things going back to normal between him and me. The probability is just against me in this situation, and I finally have realized that. Even if things were to go back to our ordinary relationship, it'd never be the same, we'd both have battle scars that we're afraid of showing.

Although, there's an upside to all of this. Instead of being locked away in the dark and cold, it has been amazingly warm these last few days, and so I've been skateboarding again. I've missed being able to just block out everything and feel the wind rush past me with my blue headphones in my ears. It's a tranquil feeling. Nobody, not even Levi, can take this feeling away from me.

I understand that as I skateboard, I'm just looking for a way to flee from all of the things bubbling inside of me, but I've already exploded. It's not like I'll do it again anytime soon. I'm normally levelheaded and calm, but last month just set me up for an explosion, nothing could get worse than what happened that night.

I've been keeping to myself. Finish homework, study for finals, get through another day. The cycle continues until this semester ends. I'm not exactly sure what I'm gonna do after the school year is over. More than likely, I'll go back to New York with my grandfather, and work at the small little bookstore downtown, but before all of this happens, I really want to try and fix things with Eren.

I know that my feelings for him will never be returned, and that I was just pining over somebody that I couldn't have, but I miss my best friend. Even before I developed romantic feelings for him, I loved being happy with him. I loved laughing with him, and just spending time with him. I miss him.

God I miss him so much...

I'm still writing in my journal too. I've filled up so many pages that I'm worried I'm going to run out, but I have more journal's to spare. To be completely honest, I've just been bored. Sure writing is great, and going on my skateboard is wonderful, but it get's old after a while. I'm ready to break out of my little dorm room right now, and just go on an adventure, but my studying pulls me right back inside my little bubble.