Almost Normal

Chapter 22

A/N-Prepare yourselves...That's all I have to say. Happy Reading.-Zenovia   WARNING: Depresion, mentions of self harm, adult language, sexual content, and much more...

Armin's POV

Chapter 22

Writing Entry: Day 235 

"It's our week.

I've been spending much more time with Eren than I'd originally thought I would, and it's been absolutely marvelous. Constant texting, talking, and just taking walks together. I've missed all of it. Even after all of the months that we'd spent away from each other, he still seems to make me smile. The smile that Sasha had talked about so long ago.

Eren keeps talking to me about doing something special for my birthday tomorrow, but to be completely honest, I don't want much. Just going out for dinner is good enough for me. Hell, just watching movies would be perfectly fine with me as well, but he wants to right his wrongs for the missing time in the winter. There's no trying to reason with him, so I agreed to meet up at his dorm room around seven tomorrow night.

It's only been a week, but god I feel so happy with him.

We've also been talking about what to do after school ends. With a little bit of hesitance, I told Eren that he was welcome to come to New York sometime during summer break. His smile grew and he hugged me tightly that day.

Although, all of this is just a false sense of security. Sooner or later I know I'm going to get jealous of Levi and Eren's relationship. All the hugs Eren gives me still can't stop the reality painted everywhere. I know what I have to do, and yes, I'm not excited to start the process of it, but it's necessary to feel any sort of alleviation of my heartbreak.

I had to get over Eren Jaeger.

It's so simple of words to write, but to actually preform the action, that seemed almost impossible. However, I'm sick and tired of being jealous and undergoing the aching feeling when I see Eren smile adoringly at Levi.

It's just not healthy.

I've known that this time was upon me, I just didn't want to believe it. I'm going to be entering a treacherous landscape of vulnerability, and that I could get hurt along the way, but it's a chance I've got to take. There's no debating this with anybody else, It's my responsibility to break whatever ties that I still have romantic feeling with Eren. It's not fair to him, and it certainly isn't helping me any bit. If there's any chance of mending our friendship, it has to start with the ending of something cherished.

However, with the ending of something, has to come the beginning of something great, right? That's always how it's like in the story books and movies. I mean, I value our friendship much higher than I do my affectionate behavior. It's just going to be troublesome getting over him.

Wow...I've never pictured myself writing that.

In this long drawn out story of mine, I'd always imagined us ending up together. He would pull me close, and kiss me deep, and lovingly. We'd slowly fall in love with each other. We'd make love with each other.

He'd be there for me, and vise versa.

Now, I'm the outsider looking in. I get to see him fall in love with somebody else, and I know I should be happy, and untroubled, but sadness lies within my heart and soul.

That's life though.

There are so many authors out there who make us imagine extraordinary lands of magic and love. Where the good guy always wins. The two fall in love and ride off into their sunset fantasy. Everything settles together in the end, but you don't see behind the scenes. You don't see the depression behind the word 'Happiness.' The demons and self doubt are hidden away by fake smiles that the writers have curtained over the readers sight. They make up this entity of hope, love, and happily ever after, but in reality, it just doesn't exist.  I was naïve enough to believe this for most of my life.