"hey babe."
"hey matt." i kissed his cheek
"so what's the plan?"
"we can watch movies all night... Or would you rather actually go out?" i
asked
"can we go out?"
"yea of course."
we walked to the park just talking about whatever came up., it was every quilt but it was a good kind of quilt.
he sat down on the swing as i say down on his lap facing him
"i love you." i said
"i love you more." "like 1000x times more." he kissed my lips none stop
"you know you're adorable when you act cute."
"oh really?" he asked as i nodded my head
"you look cute when you're close to me..."
"we're in public espio, chill." i giggled
"yea yea. you're the loml." he said which replayed in my head
"you honestly make me the happiness person ever."
"oh yea why is that." i asked
"okay for starters you're smile is so hear warming, your personality is amazing, your always there for others. your kindness is up lifting. you in general are an amazing person, and you know when to make me feel happy, and i love you for being there when im down." he said wiping his tears
"matt.." it took me a while to realize he was crying "why are you crying?"
"i will hate to lose you, nazi you mean everything to me."
"trust me, you aren't going to lose me... look at me." i pulled his chin up so he made eye contact with me "you make me happier then a stoner when he finally gets his drugs." i laughed wiping my tear
"ugh why are you crying." he sniffed laughing
"you're crying that's why matthew., your tears make me tear. but anyways i will hate to lose you over some silly problem..."
this is the perfect time
no it isn't shut up, matter a fact what are you doing nazi! you're putting yourself in danger!
yes it is the both of you guys are happy, and you can do it some other time..
which is why it's a bad idea it's going to kill the mood and no it has to be done tonight!
what do you suggest then?
you tell him back at your house when he drops you off., it'll be ten times easier.
okay but what about school
what about it her only friend isn't
just matt she also has steph, mel, sam, g and j.
i guess
"nazi?" matt waved his hand in my face
"yes?"
"you spaced out for a sec."
"don't i always." i tried playing it cool
"yea you want ice cream?" he changed the subject
"you could've just told me you wanted me to get off.." i giggled
"no im like really in the mood for ice cream." he said truthfully
"okay i guess.." i said
we walked to the ice cream shop and got our ice cream and walked admiring how beautiful the town looked at night.
"i love the night." i said in awe
"you look like a kid in a candy store." he laughed
"i mean look at the stars the sky is unbelievable.. matt." i said not taking my eyes off the sky
we walked to my house to rest and this is it
"i love you" i said most of the walk home not knowing if this was the last time i get to actually say that to him without feeling guilt.
"matt..." i began to fell the tears
ugh! i can't do this.,
yes you can you're only a few words away...
i can't i love him and i have to tell him.,
break up with him you know it benefits him...
here it goes.,
"matt... i love you and y-you may be angry with me... but i-i think w-we should b-break up-p.. it's for your better... i love you-u remember that... it's just i can't anymore im sorry i truly am...but you deserve someone ten times better then me m-matt.. im sorry." i hugged him and left
i didn't go to my bed room until i saw he left the doorstep he was confused. he was upset... i hate my self... ugh i made him upset. i made matt cry after he just poured his heart out to me.
i made my way to my room and cried my self to sleep... it was over a relationship that lasted almost four years. i can't call him mine anymore... i hate myself. i can't even look at myself all i see is a disgusting monster. one that is carrying another monster.
i slept, not wanting to face tomorrow and everyone's comments, lets just tell everyone he broke up with me... im emotionally unstable, i can't even.
-
i walked into the school not paying any attention to anyone, i just walked straight to my locker., i grabbed my books for english... oh lord. i walked to the bathroom having a feeling that i was going to throw up. i threw up and washed my face and put multiple breathe mints in my mouth then i heard the door open, i ran into a stall.
"she was so stupid who lets the matthew espinosa out of their hands."
"she probably didn't give him enough sex." oh boy do you know
"or maybe he was just tired of her and wanted someone to fuck. you may never know maybe she actually broke up with him." oH
"whatever, he's mine now anyways." you could hear her hair flip
i rushed to english, the bell had rang which meant i was late. the only seat left was the one that happened to be next to matt.
i tried to say focus, pretending to take note while actually drawing. i could feel matts eyes on me. i wanted to say sorry and make out with him so badly but.. we weren't dating anymore. and it's for the better.
once english ended i took my homeroom seat which was thankfully next to steph and mel. im pretty sure they knew. it was so awkward
"are you okay?" mel asked
"why wouldn't i be?" i asked
"cut the shit nazi iris." steph said
"i am okay, can we talk about it in lunch?" i asked
"of course." "no now."
two different answers were shot up i agreed with "of course."
-
authors note,,,
shiiiiiiiiiiiiiit i liked writing this tbh:"// ugh but mentioning sad matt makes me cry tbh., matt upset like not even crying makes me cry tbh. im weird right? yea i don't care. anyways liked this chapter. did you guys (if you didn't realize im updating every sunday; unless other wise:)
-ya girl m👼💦
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secret„ mle
Fanfiction"you don't understand! he can't know it's going to ruin him, he's going to leave me." she cried one thing she knows is that this secret can't hold for any longer
