Blue Coffee Mugs and the Agoraphobic [boyxboy] ✔

Gibberish

TWENTY ØNE

gibberish (n.)
unintelligible or nonsensical talk or writing

Fast forward a few weeks, and Austin and I are trying to get myself to go outside again. We've tried it in the passed weeks, too, but every time I ended up having a panic attack or at least sobbing.

"Come on, you said it yourself; it can only get better from now on.", Austin tries to reason.
"But... But I'm scared.", I whine. "I know you're scared, but not trying won't help, right?"

Tears are starting to well up in my eyes and I silently curse myself for being so damn sensitive.

"No, don't cry. Come here.", Austin says as he notices, opening his arms. I step forward and he gives me a long hug. Somehow, I feel better immediately. "Thanks", I sniffle, smiling at him weakly.

"Any time, babe. Are you gonna try?" I hesitate for a few seconds before answering, "Yeah... Yeah, I'm gonna try." I still can't help but smile at what he called me.

"Look, I have an idea. We do it a bit like last time, except this time, you'll close your eyes, and imagine that we're together in your backyard, okay? Or, imagine whatever comforts you, think of a common and relaxed situation, maybe eating with your family... I don't know, but just try to keep your mind off the fact that you're a step outside of the front yard, alright?"

"Okay", I say, "I'll try."

...

Cats, Alan. Cute little kitties. Playing with wool and looking at you with their huge eyes. Cats.

Pizza and Harry Potter. Harry Potter eating pizza. Pizza, cats, Harry Potter. Austin. Austin, Austin, Austin.

I am desperately trying not to think about what is happening, clutching Austin's hand like my lifeline.

1, 2, 3...

Austin pulls me to his chest, I can smell his shirt. I breathe in his scent, shutting my eyes tightly. I'm shutting my eyes so tightly, that it almost hurts.

"Hey, Alan? You've done it. You're standing... outside.", Austin whispers. I slowly, cautiously open my eyes, as though seeing what I already know will hurt me. I know that that is completely ridiculous, but hey - what can I say? I'm ridiculous.

It's true. I'm standing about a foot away from my front-yard. I've never seen my house from this perspective ever before, it's overwhelming. The more I think about it, the more nervous I get.

"Okay. Yeah, great. But, can we go back now?", I ask. Austin doesn't answer but takes a step back into of my "comfort zone", and so do I.

I did it.

"Austin! Austin, I did it! I actually did it! No crying, nothing! Oh my god."

He smiles brightly, "Yes. You did. I'm so proud of you. So, so proud."

I look up at him and have to stand on my tip-toes to kiss him properly. The whole problem is fixed quickly, though, when he picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist, holding onto him by his neck.

I can't help but smile into the kiss. Austin pulls back and brushes his nose against mine in the cutest way and I have never, ever been happier.

Maybe, just maybe, this is my day.

[so sorry for not updating frequently. I was busy + writers block and it literally took me 3-4 days to write 500 words. Oh and also thanks for 3k views, y'all are gr8!]