His Amorem

The Awkward Ex Talk

The Circlet from Estel :)

Suggestions of a sexual nature blah blah blah, just a warning 

=

The next few days carried on much like nothing had happened, other than the secret smiles and the sneaking off to talk privately and occasionally kiss. Keerla also explained a bit more about her relationship with Estel, as Kili had finally worked out what Naneth meant. It was obvious by the grins on Fili and Bofur's faces that they knew what was going on, but everyone else seemed rather unaware.

On the fourteenth evening, while lying on Kili's bed, the two of them were faced with a rather unexpected conversation. They had been watching the stars through the large window, holding hands and talking briefly about what they thought was actually up there when Kili brought up a past affair.

"She said she thought they were the dead, looking down on us, and liked to have her fun under the night sky. I prefer not to think of my dead relatives watching me when i'm with a woman." Keerla laughed at the idea, but Kili suddenly rolled onto his side. "You know I've lain with women, but i have never heard you speak of it yourself."

Ice spread through her veins, and Keerla turned her head away from Kili. She didn't want to have that talk. Kili knew it, but his curiosity was too much.

"Please, love, i won't ever judge you. It's not like i'm any kind of pure."

Huffing, she glanced nervously at Kili and then back up at the stars. "Other than you," she started, "I have loved one man and have lain with only two in all my life. I can assure you, knowing who they are will not bring you any sort of happiness, Kili."

He leaned over her, pressing his lips to hers and brushed her check with his finger, "I will not judge you, i promise. But now it shall eat away at me. So please, trust me."

Nodding, Keerla took a deep breath, "As you know, i had feelings, for the prince of Mirkwood before i came to live in Erebor."

Kili nodded, he had been told the snotty Ellon was the main reason she had willingly given up her life with her kin to live with and support his people.

"He knew of these feelings, and used them against me only when it pleased him. He would use kind words and affection to persuade me to do things for him, but he loved another. There was never anything between us, it just took me too long to realise."

"And the men you lay with?"

Glancing at him nervously, Keerla said "One was Thorin-" she felt him tense against her, but he said nothing and his eyes showed surprise but no anger, "In the year leading up to the Desolation of Erebor we were lovers i suppose."

"What happened?"

Smiling slightly, "It was fun but not meant to be. Thorin and i realised that while we loved each other, we were not in love with each other. We were better as friends."

"Okay, so i don't have to worry about my uncle stealing you," Kili chuckled, kissing her nose, "And the second?"

Swallowing loudly, she kept her eyes on his and said, "Thranduil."

He pulled back in surprise, but again there was no anger. "The elven king?!"

"Yes," she hid behind her hands in embarrassment, "Don't ask, i don't really remember much of the actual interactions." He gave her a confused look and she sighed, "What i do remember is that I had fallen low, very low. I had been played with and broken by the prince and found myself incredibly vulnerable."