Messed Up World

A Search

[edited: 03/04/18]

"I HATE YOU!"

Kaneki pressed his forehead against the wall as he stumbled into a dark alleyway.

He had to stop...he had to stop and think about all this.

Touka's words struck him so hard, pain still filled him as he took a deep shaky breath and tried to keep in the tears.

"Don't think about it..." He told himself, pressing his fist against the wall and gritting his teeth. "Don't think about it."

But even with his strongest efforts to not let the memories slip in, pictures flashed in his head.

The warm, cozy atmosphere of Anteiku.

Hinami's smile and laughter.

And..Touka.

"DON'T THINK ABOUT IT!" He yelled and punched the wall. Kaneki ignored the pain that he received from his fist once he did punch the wall.

He looked down and felt himself tremble.

I should go back..
No.
I can't.

Even if he went back now Touka would be furious at him.

Maybe she didn't mean what she said to him...maybe...

Kaneki sighed and took his mask off, throwing it onto the floor. He didn't need something that messed up his breathing more.

Shuddering, Kaneki felt himself slide down to the floor as the sadness made him weak.

Looking up, he closed his eyes and quietly cried. Feeling tears stream down his face, he tried his best not to cry like a child.

"You look like shit."

Kaneki opened his eyes and gasped once he met the gaze of two dark blue eyes. He wanted to scream her name and say he was sorry, but soon he realized that he wasn't looking into Touka's eyes.

But into Ayato's, Touka's brother.

"I found you..." Kaneki muttered out and dragged his hand down his face.

"More like I found you." Ayato replied with a curt tone. Crossing his arms in frustration.

Kaneki sighed and looked at the younger boy.

"You actually came. Earlier than I thought so too." Ayato raised a brow, and fixed his red scarf. "Thought you would take longer. Or leave at the last minute."

Ayato looked away and stayed silent for a while.

"Why did you come so early?" He asked Kaneki, still not meeting his gaze.

Kaneki got up and put his mask on, trying to keep his composure. He couldn't let Ayato see that this was hurting him immensely. "I couldn't keep a lie for two months. Especially one which will hurt." Kaneki replied softly, and turned to look at Ayato.

"Hm." Ayato turned around and met his gaze. "At least you didn't take so long."

As Ayato's blue eyes moved to look at him, Kaneki tried not to imagine Touka's almost exact same gaze which he could stare at every single day.

Shaking his head, he got the image of her out of his head. He couldn't keep thinking like this.

"What now?" Kaneki asked plainly.

Ayato walked out of the alleyway, followed slowly and hesitantly by Kaneki.

"We have to get back to Eto and the others."