Grand-Slam

∞Chapter 36∞

Song: You Rock My World- Michael Jackson 

"She hesitates, 'I'm okay', but I don't think even all the world's oceans could fill her empty heart." -h.c

One month had passed since the last time I talked to Nate, or even saw him, for that matter. He made sure to be at the studio every day before I awoke, and he would come back home once I was asleep again. On days he didn't have to leave, he stayed in his room working out, while I was up and around the house.

It hurt to know we had drifted so far apart. Ever since we started dating, I swore he was the one. The love I felt for Nate Jackson was nothing compared to any love in the whole world. There was no such thing as a perfect lover, but I swore I had found the most perfectly imperfect lover in Nate. We were both flawed, but knowing those flaws and still loving him with all of my heart created our perfect love. I could never, and would never look further than him, because to me, he was all I needed-- all I ever wanted. If my heart was a flower waiting to bloom, his love was the only sunshine it needed.

But when he left, that sunshine disappeared, and my heart was left with dark, dreary gray clouds, and slowly, my heart-- the flower-- was dying. It was slowly withering to nothing without Nate.

I was cleaning my room, and I had started with my nightstands. They were majorly cluttered, so I made sure to organize them like I did every month. But since everything in my life went to hell, I hadn't had much motivation to do anything. Chelsea and Nick left, so many hours were lonely, and most of the time, I was in my room, sitting alone in the silence. And the silence wasn't comfortable, it was lonely. The silence consumed me, and soon, when I looked in the mirror, I didn't even recognize myself. It was like looking at my reflection, but only seeing the dark, depressed version of me.

As I cleaned out my nightstands, I made sure to place everything I wanted on top of it-- my alarm clock, my textbooks, and my emergency bag of Kit Kats I kept in there in case I had a craving. As I moved things around, my hand got caught in a necklace, and when I pulled it out, my heart stopped. I had found the necklace Nate had specially made for my birthday. Holding it in my hand, I held it close to my heart, and then I did something I knew I shouldn't have.

I slipped it back on.

After I finished cleaning the first nightstand, I started cleaning the second one, and when I saw the picture frames on top of it, my heart broke more. They were the pictures of Nate and I from his photo shoot. One was of me kissing his cheek, and he was grinning widely. It was the most genuine grin I had ever seen, and it broke my heart to know that smile was because of me. It hurt even more to know I would never see that smile from him again.

The second picture was of us laughing. The cameraman had caught it at the perfect moment. Nate and I had our arms wrapped around each other, and we were genuinely laughing, but that wasn't the thing that hurt the most. It was Nate's eyes. He gazed at me with so much love, and I hated myself for not seeing it then. I had the whole world right in front of me, and just as quick as I had him, he slipped from my fingertips.

As I started to clean my desk, Michael Jackson's, "You Rock My World" came on my stereo. I froze in my place, because that was mine and Nate's favorite song when we were together, but then I started tapping my fingers against the wood of my desk, and swaying my hips a little.

The song was the only thing I could hear in that moment, and as I listened, I continued cleaning my desk. I placed the pencils in the drawer, fixed the books on top of it, but my mind was distracted. So, I stared at the necklace around my neck again.

When the chorus started, I burst out singing, screaming at the top of my lungs. I continued to work around my room, singing along with the King of Pop, and when the bridge started, I sang that part louder than any other. What I didn't expect though, was for someone else to join in.