Fuck the Rest (A Ronnie Radke Fanfiction)

Chapter Sixteen

Ronnie's PoV

I wake up with a jolt. Someone's whispering my name. I look around the dark room. A figure moves on the bed.

"Ronnie? Is that you?" Ricky's hoarse voice calls out. I get up and run over to her.

"Ricky? How are you?" I grab her hand with one hand, and press the other one against her forehead. She wasn't very warm.

"I'm fine." I stand up and flip on the lights. I leave the room and bring back a nurse. I leave the room while they talk. I wander aimlessly, finding myself in Mason's room. Trace sat in the chair. He looked up at me. His eyes were dark, and his face was pale.

"Hi, Ronnie," he says sleepily. I nod at him.

"Trace, when was the last time you...uh...slept?" I ask. He shrugs.

"I just want to be here for Mason. I just can't get to sleep. When I do, I have this weird dream. I'm in a meadow place. There's no one around, but a few animals always run by me. It's nice, but at the same time, unsettling." He stares at Mason's unconscious body; as if his pain would wake him. 

"Well, Ricky just woke up. Maybe Mason will be soon." Trace shakes his head.

"I've been thinking that same thing. He isn't doing better. I pray everyday, and it seems like he's going deeper into it. Is this a sick punishment for something I did?" he asks, staring at me. His head was tilted, giving him the look of a confused child.

"Trace, I think you need to get some sleep," I pause, waiting for him to speak. When he says nothing, I continue, "I'm going to go check on Ricky. I'll talk later." I leave the room as quickly as I can, walking to Ricky's. Trace was being driven crazy by everything. He's never been this way.

"Ronnie," Ricky's voice falters, and trails off. I look at her. She knows.

"Yeah?" I ask, my voice trembling slightly. I didn't want to think about this. I didn't want to be a Dad. I wasn't good enough to be one. The kid would go around every day being make fun of.

"Did they already tell you?" I nod slowly. She looks down at her fidgeting hands. "You should have told me."

"I didn't want to send you back into a coma from shock. Do you think I know how to break that news to you?" I say, trying not to say anything offensive.

"Do you think this is a joke? Ronnie, I'm going to be bringing a kid into this world. You can't-" I cut her off.

"You're bringing a kid into the world? I thought we were? I kind of figured we were in this together." I could feel my anger rising inside me. Just don't swing.

"I figured you would just run off. Why would some one like you want a baby? You have fucking places to go. I thought that would be more important to you," she screams.

"Do you not realize that I'm still here. Remember how I was supposed to be on tour? I canceled it all to be by your side. I've been in her every fucking day since you've been hurt. And you know what? I would love a kid. But the world can't let a freak like me have one. I'm a monster, right?"

"Ronnie, you aren't a freak. You aren't a monster. The world accepts you. I accept you."

"Fucking bullshit," I scream. "I'm judged for every little thing I do. I was thrown in jail for things I didn't do. Everyone still thinks I did it. I've changed in every way. I've tried to become better for the world. But I can never be good enough."

"What about all your fangirls?" Ricky asks, her voice lowering.

"You mean the people that listen to my music? They only like me because they don't have anyone else. I'm the last pick for everyone. You picked Mason before me. You don't understand what it's like to be picked last for everything."

"I didn't fuck Mason," she yells at me. "You aren't last picked. And don't you ever tell me what I don't understand. You don't know shit about me." I chuckle.

"So, that night you told me your life story didn't happen?"

"It did. But I didn't tell you everything. You don't know what school was like for people like me."

"I was the boy that wore eyeliner. I was hated by everyone. I wasn't athletic, I wasn't anything. I know exactly what it's like. School sucked, but that was years ago. Nothing that happened then matters. None of those people will ever be back in our lives." I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, but I needed to calm down. Ricky and I couldn't fight like this.

"I know that, Ronnie. But, people just can't be nice. They need to impress," she said quietly.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be yelling at you. You don't need anymore stress." There was a pause. "I love you, Ricky." I gave her a kiss on the forehead. She sat there with a stunned expression on her face. Her mouth hung wide open.

"I...I," she stuttered. I looked down at the ground. This was the first time I'd told her when she was awake. What if she didn't love me back?

"Shit. If you aren't ready-" Ricky's hand grabs onto my shirt, pulling me to her. Her lips press against mine. She pulls away and rests her forehead on mine.

"I love you, Ronnie." I feel a grin spread across my face.

She loved me.