Dissolve

Blanketed Darkness

Hey, what's your favourite color? - 9:32 a.m. (sent)

I honestly don't know how to express my distaste for Bio Chem. If I could light the damn subject on fire I would. No take backs.

My phone buzzed.

New Message: Levi

Gray. Aren't you in class? - 9:34 a.m.

Yes. Aren't you going to ask for mine? -9:36 a.m. (sent)

New Message: Levi

No. Fuck off, and do your work. - 9:39 a.m. (sent)

I sighed aloud. Levi was just as serious about me graduating as I was. And by the looks of it, it seemed I would. While shitty teachers gave me a hard time with my work, I was gradually making me way back up.

I spent the rest of the period trying my best to conjure up the effort to pay attention, taking axonal notes. I only had two periods today, and the next one wasn't nearly as boring or time consuming. A quick thirty minutes then I was home free.

Scooting back in my chair I watched as Connie stuck a paperclip in Reiner's hair. I snickered when the larger male swiped for the clip and failed to reach, beefy arms swinging to his sides. I turned my eyes back to my papers, listening partially to the lecture.

Levi would be back this upcoming Friday. I'd lasted almost a week and a half without him. Keyword was lasted. I'd grown so used to him in such a short time, he was as natural a need as was air. I missed him, more simply put and was beyond fucking ready for these next four days to go by.

I'd call every night and texted him imperiously. Levi would complain I was acting like some chatty school girl but I couldn't help it. The more I waited the more anxious I got. It wasn't like an anxious of waiting for something pleasant, I suppose it felt like something in my gut twisting every time I thought about it.

The warning bell rung and I shuffled out of the classroom for my next period upstairs. I passed Armin on my way there and we agreed to meet up later in that day. I didn't really want to go home, exactly

Mom's numbers on her monitor kept dropping, her face mask began to slip off because her face had grown so thin. She couldn't break out of her fever. I'd called her doctor last Wednesday, specializing every symptom she was experiencing. He brushed it off as a phase, but as mom grew thinner and paler; looking terrifyingly morbid I couldn't prepare myself for the worst.

Why was the impossible always laughing in my face?

It was aggrieved, cynical, yet I had no object I could focus my anger on, no rage I could use as an outlet. Yeah, I hate Leukemia with a passion, but I couldn't punch it.

The horror still struck. Mom was going to die. Soon.

'Please just wait till Levi gets back, mom.'

I didn't know what I would do when she passed. I was so unsure of everything but I used Levi's words to help me cope. There'd be no other way.

In Contemporary Literature I read a word that day, one the stuck throughout the rest of the evening.

Crestfallen.

My life was a big ball of crestfallen.

***

"Hey, we should go sledding." Armin was saying as we loaded up his car, me and him in the front Jean, Connie, and Sasha in the back.