EGL // lashton

forty four

Life. What is that?

Is it a thing, is it a creature, is it a person or is it a place?

Life is the ability to grow; to separate creatures from things. Life is the period of time when a person is alive. Life is the experience of being alive.

The quality that distinguishes a vital and functional being from a dead body. A principle or force that is considered to underlie the distinctive quality of animate beings. An organismic state characterized by capacity for metabolism, growth, reaction to stimuli, and reproduction.

Is it positive though? Is life positive or negative?

Luke had always cherished life; always seen it from a positive point of view. Everything was sunny through Luke's eyes, and now suddenly it had grown so dark he could barely see.

Sure, Luke had had his ups and downs before he met Ashton, but after meeting the older boy Luke had gotten to see another side of the world; a side he never knew existed. A side he wished never existed.

But he had himself to blame for it. It was true that Ashton approached him first, but Luke stuck to the older boy like a sticker, ignoring the fact that Ashton so desperately tried to rip him off. Luke ignored the fact that Ashton was suffering, and it resulted in Luke suffering even more.

So as Luke sat on the back porch of the old Irwin family cabin in the middle of the woods, Ashton's chest pressed against his back as silence surrounded them, it was all Luke's fault.

It was Luke's fault that they had to been kept out of Ty's house and far out of the city to be less of an distraction. To make sure the rest of the guys were less of a target as they tried to take care of this; of Drake.

Luke knew Ashton was frustrated. Ashton desperately wanted to get his own revenge and Luke knew he was holding him back from that, but he just needed to have Ashton here. Ashton was as much of an easy target as Luke at the moment.

"Stop it" Ashton spoke up sternly, making Luke's stressful thoughts disappear into a void and be replaced with hesitation.

"Stop thinking about it" Ashton said again, causing Luke to sigh and relax against Ashton's chest while the older boy's arms were wrapped around him tightly.

Luke's breath was heavy as Ashton's hand slowly moved up and down his arm to warm him up before reaching his wrist and letting the pad of his thumb brush over the line Luke had made.

"I can't wait for this fucking thing to be gone" Ashton mumbled and squeezed Luke's wrist before letting his hand travel to Luke's, intertwining their fingers.

"Either way it doesn't change what I did" Luke whispered, hearing Ashton sigh from behind him.

"Stop thinking about it" Ashton repeated, making Luke give up for now and close his eyes as he turned his head to bury his face in the crook of Ashton's neck.

"You're making it sound so easy," Luke whispered and squeezed Ashton's hand, "It's not easy. It's so difficult"

"It's not difficult, Luke. You just have to stop putting emotions in to it. You have to realize who you were dealing with, and you were dealing with fucking Ryan. He was this close to killing you, all you did was use self defense. You can't even be held by the police for that, Luke, but every single line on my wrists can send me straight to jail.