I fucking got pranked

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I slammed the door shut behind me and slumped against it panting heavily. My mind was playing nasty tricks with me. I thought I just got kissed by a human. Wait a minute...I did get kissed by Her. Thumping little organ in my chest knocked the ribcage upon remembering her soft wet lips...
Did she use chap stick, or naturally moist or...

Shit

A scream earth quaked my house upside down and my whole dramatic family came rushing to its source i.e me.

"Holy Fuck Jared I thought a girl got butchered!" Alec spoke examining my fatal position sitting on a floor with dead limbs sprawled out like a man who has just got fucked and his virginity has been stolen. Aunt Roselle spared him a sideways glance and shoved her hand fan inside Alec's mouth.
"Words vampire".

Rule # 1 Don't swear and curse unless You want to spend time in humans graveyard.

"I'm right here!" I shouted before feigning an act of being faint. Well someone is good at acting. Ya-hoo! A side note, I mentally said yahoo in excitement not Yaoi.

Rule# 2 You can't enter in our house if you're fujoshi. P.S Gina is one, she ships human males. Aunt Roselle doesn't know. What she doesn't know, can't hurt anyone right?

"Jared you alright sweetheart?" Mom interrupted my train of thoughts that was blowing whistle in the background.

"Did you hear something?" Nana asked Gramp
"What a train?"  He replied

"What happened lad"? Father asked checking my pulse. "You have fever."

"Ma...I..er...promise me you won't freak out". That was joke. Just wait and see for yourself her reaction.
"You're scaring me baby", she combed my hair caressing my cheek.
"Promise?" I asked in low voice. The whole scene looked like as if I'm a cancer patient in hospital who is about to make confession.
"Spill the beans"! Gina shouted kicking my buttock.

"I GOT KISSED BY A HUMAN!"

Silence. You can hear the bats chirping in the background. If they really chirp.
"WHAT!!!!!" There my mother went again. She shouted at the top of her kidneys, liver, intestine and lungs that broke the windows of the house.
"I have to fix them again?" Father spoke adjusting his glasses. I wondered if he wear them to impress ladies.
Aunt Roselle fainted in Uncle James's arms while Alec and Gina were rolling on floor laughing maniacally.

"My child"! Gramp was blowing his imaginary running nose on granny's shawl. My mother immediately sat upright and shook me by shoulders that must have turned my lungs and kidneys upside down.
"She kissed me and told me go home".
"Who?"
"My stalker who else?".

"My boy is ruined!" Mom cried as father held her soothing her down.
"Is she gonna kill me?" I asked them. What if she is Yandere like that creep from Mirai Niki.

"Nope! You got STD! Alec bluntly spoke
"What??????????", I freaked out like a squeaking crow.

"She kissed you...", Gina chew her gum looking down at me

"So?" They weren't making any sense.

"What if she had an oral with someone"? Gina raised her eyebrow in amusement.

"Wait what"? She got to be kissing...er I mean kidding. That was only slip of tongue because of kiss. No I totally wasn't thinking about kiss.
"More worse, You will get pregnant". Alec added that sent my mother into trauma of me being wasted.

And I finally fainted. Who gets pregnant by a kiss and I am a boy for Dracs's sake.

I woke up in my bed, not naked, what's with you all. I had my clothes on. Well boxers and black vest. Sexy? I touched my lips and blushed at the memory. She took my photo. Was she going to rub it out by using it. Tears brimmed in my eyes and I turned my buttock up muffling my sobs in pillow. My chastity and honor.

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