Vampire who cried Human

Highway to Hell

I was having goodnight sleep with sweet dreams but seemed like certain one had definitely a problem with my beauty sleep. The trouble, as you may have known, our Renesmee yanked my ankle, twisting me around and threw me on the floor with a thud. I groaned, rolling over my stomach and succumbed back to sleep but it appeared she did have some grudge against my slumber and brought her hand on my rear. The contact left my ass stinging in burning pain and I let out a howl of cry.

"Morning" She put her right foot on my buttock, digging her red pumps in my rear, like a howdy boy in leather cow boats and hat with moustache demands a glass of whisky by placing his foot on the table of rum.

"It's goodnight time for me", I told her briskly in groggy voice that I bet she must have found amusing judging by her 'Up to no good- evil' face and I crawled away towards my cot burying my face in the pillows.

Soft...soft...

"Jared, it's school time" I heard her saying in the background that it's my school time. I put my pinkie finger in my ear to get rid of the imaginary...no,real yellow wax of the ear and yes, I couldn't find cotton buds in her house. Seriously, how can ears have imaginary dirt in them and then how do you explain ear wax in our ears. Did honey bee hire an apartment on rent in your ear? I don't suppose so but since you all are humans, I can't guarantee about your ears since anything can happen when it comes to you.

"Who goes to school at 7:00 am, lady?" Renesmee didn't let me on the loose and no matter how many times I told her that I wanted to leave. It sounded like 'Hurricane' song? You can play for Renesmee. That lady didn't let me go and every single time I ended up getting abducted. She reasoned not to waste my year so she got me enrolled into her school for some time being. I leered up at her scowling face and stuck a tongue at her. There's no way, she is getting me out of my mattress. A man's first and last true love is his bed and when we do, we fall hard on bed. You can interpret this line either way. I'm habitual of dropping innuendos. I turned my back to her and placed my cheek against the wall dramatically snoring often opening my left eye to peek at her if she's still standing there. And Sweet Heavenic tooth! she's standing above me in a jailor uniform with a stick in her hand. A note to side, have you ever come across a warden woman? She strips you naked, hangs you upside down from an old banyan tree in the middle of jail and asks muscular creepy men to poke your dick.

 No! I shouted, kissing her pumps to let me go but this human had no mercy in her, especially if you ever run into a female species of homo sapiens, you better get rope from me to hang yourself before she gets to lay hands on you. Suicide is better than Homo female, err... didn't it sound like "homo" and "female" as in homosexual female? But shouldn't it be interpreted as "Humans are sexual?" Or "Humans are sexy?" My professorship remained short lived when she picked me up from the floor by back of my collar and dragged me to the bathroom.

It's Highway to Hell

Oh my! We are having a shower together.

 Finally she is doing something mature in our relationship rather than taekwondo, karate, wrestling...meow,  and sky diving. I sobbed internally with invisible man tears upon remembering the time when she pushed me off the plane for sky diving out of exhilaration but she forgot to put parachute on me.

Death is the name of our cranky aunt on periods.
Or uncle next door who throws his slipper at you for howling at night.

Or must I say, if you allow me, ex-boyfriend of your crush who happens to be a boxer.
So you are pretty much dead.

 You're curious, what might have happened? The climax was, I said goodbye to the world closing my eyes and placed a rose over my bosom free falling down the sky with great velocity. It's that time when I realized that I didn't do any good by breaking up with physics. This gravitational pull, kept me pulling down. Then suddenly, I felt I was being lifted up by a someone. I hugged the supposed reaper hoping if only it's lady reaper who had come to take me away. But when I opened my eyes, I found a man with blue eyes in red costume without any upper undies on him. He's swinging from building to building with threads and yes, you got it right, he's a gymnast. What were we playing, gymnastics on buildings? Man, I didn't know we two were in olympics. The slap on my face made me realize that he's spiderman.  So what? What's the big deal if he can throw webs from his armpits or from down there. He needs a serious cleaning on spring cleaning day. Besides, it wasn't the thing that he came to rescue me. He came after his fallen rose that he needed to take back from me.