Acting Royal #Wattys2017

Chapter 37

ZAYN

Zayn slumped down onto the bed and stared up at the ceiling. There was so much going through his mind right now. He looked at the space in the bed next to him, the space that Jenny had been sleeping in only yesterday. The light caught a long red hair that was clinging to the pillow. He reached out and took the pillow between his hands and looked at it. He brought it to his nose and smelt. It still smelt like her.

How could her scent still linger when she was so far away, when she was gone, forever? It was so cruel.

He felt like the worst person on the planet right now. He would never forgive himself for what he'd put Jenny through. He had dragged her into the middle of a shit storm and he hadn't cared at the time he'd done it either. At that stage she meant nothing to him, she was just another woman. He grabbed his head in his hands. She deserved so much better than this. She deserved so much more than a man that hurt her.

He just hoped that Amir would leave Jenny alone, so right now the best thing he could do for her was never contact her again and leave her to get on with her life. Hopefully the money he'd given her would mean that she would never need to worry about anything ever again, that was the least he could do for her. He just hoped she took it instead of being stubborn and defiant. A tiny smile tugged at his lips. He loved that about her. That feisty streak that challenged him more than anyone had ever challenged him before.

Zayn held the pillow tighter. Maybe he deserved this all for being the kind of man he'd been for the last nine years. His punishment would be that he'd been given a taste of love, he'd been given a few moments with the most amazing women he had ever met and then he was forced to give it all up. Maybe he deserved that, a life of misery. He'd caused so much pain and heartbreak over the years, maybe this was his payback and he should just suck it up like a man?

It was certainly time for him to man up. Accept his fate, his duty and stop being the selfish fuck he'd been for so long. In his absences everything had fallen apart- his father had gotten sick, Amir had wormed his way into his parents life. He had left, leaving a massive gaping hole for a man like Amir to take full advantage of and fill. If he'd been here, maybe none of this would have happened.

He was in such pain right now that it was physical. He'd heard many women tell him how he had 'broken their hearts and how much it hurt'. Until now, he had thought they were all being dramatic, but now he knew what it felt like, and it did hurt. It hurt more than anything physical he'd ever experienced.

His mind raced. It raced from Jenny to Amir, and back again. He knew he needed to do something about Amir, but Rafiq was right, he needed to tread carefully and be smart about this. But one thing was certain, he wasn't leaving here. Not today, not ever. Until Amir was far away from his family, he wasn't going anywhere. He needed to be here and watch over everyone. He also needed to make sure that Amir never became king and that meant... that meant...

He was sure his father had already spoken to Sophia's father. He was sure Sophia would jump at it too, and it probably needed to happen as soon as possible. The sooner he was married, settled and king, the sooner all this would blow over.

But he wasn't going to think about that right now, he was going to spend one more night thinking about Jenny and what they'd had. He was going to lie here and hold this pillow all night and smell it and imagine she was here and wallow in this, and then, in the morning he would wake up and step up. Tomorrow he would become the man he should have become years ago. He wasn't going to let his father down. Not this time.

He crawled under the sheets and buried his face in the pillow and felt the wetness as tears began to stream down his face. He'd had her for only a moment. But it had been the best moment of his life and he would never feel that again. She would be the first, and the last women he ever loved. He'd probably still think of her lying on his deathbed fifty, sixty years from now.

He closed his eyes and welcomed in all the images of her, and he let the pain wash over him. Right now it felt like it might overwhelm him, but that wasn't an option. He had never felt so broken and weak before and yet this was the one time in his life that demanded he be the strongest and the most decisive that he'd ever been. How the fuck was he going to muster the strength to do it?

He loved her. He loved her so much and he would never see her again. He had hurt her, and she hated him and he had to now live with that knowledge for the rest of his life.