Gatecrashing Gatecrasher

• b e g i n n i n g s •

This chapter is dedicated to caligraephy for the awesome cover above!

What does life has to offer after leaving a person brokenhearted? Obviously, some would say they can still live life no matter how their heart was torn into pieces. Given the chance to respond, I think life has very little to offer. Life's never been steady after the incidence, it has changed into sudden downfall.

Sudden downfall simply means love has lifeline and those butterly in your stomach stops. Right, stupid puppy love you learnt at high school. Sudden downfall is every person's first inpression when they see me. Bags under my eyes seemed to showoff again indicating that I had endless days and nights thinking. From an "okay" body to being near skeleton as I had days where I skipped meals. There were days I'd just read suicidal and overly sorrowful quotes from the internet. Most of all, I've forgotten to bring the topknot style hair and stopped caring about how I look-mild self-neglect I say.

I pushed myself up as I looked at the tintless window of room-35. When boredom strikes, I suddenly thought how foolish I was before. I never graduated because I kept on skipping class because of what happened between us. I couldn't make it last year; I dropped out of school, leaving me to attend a summer school right now.

"Lauren Grace!"

Looking in front, I found bald Mr. Hughman glaring at me. He was crossing his arms to his chest, eyeing me beneath those thick glasses. All eyes on me and for one second I became an instant superstar. I feel like their eyes are some annoying cameras being flashed to celebrities in television.

I replied them with a very confused look because I didn't even know why Mr. Hughman has called my attention.

"Miss Grace, how many times do I have to tell you not to sleep on my class?"

"I'm sorry." I apologized, though I didn't really mean asking for his forgiveness.

"Can I invite you in my office after this class?" He asked then, continued writing on the board.

"Yeah, of course."

The usual thing that happens whenever I'm in class. I should tell mom to never waste her money paying for my tuition. I should just get out of the school and start working in the city. Cleaning the streets is fine as long as I have a job and salary. Anyone could find a decent job without graduating from a prestigious university. I would not want a school full of memories of that double-crosser.

• • •

"Mom, I hate school. I really think I should stop." I let out a weighty sigh as I waited for her response.

My mom suddenly looked at me and starts wiping her hands on her apron. She was cooking roast beef for dinner.

"Oh, honey, still because of him?"

I made my way to the fridge and took a can of beer. Yeah, beer's good when you are so depressed with your life. Not clinically, but just 0.2 of it. Okay, I'm stupid, let me call that borderline. I've started drinking a year ago.

"I'm sorry I already ruined your dream for me, mom. But I think you should just let Daryll go to med school next year."

I placed the beer on the counter and leaned my back on the fridge. Mom gave me a very rueful look. I felt sorry for her. When there's a problem with me, she suddenly think that she failed to do her responsibilites as a mother. Dad's working overseas as a mailman so, all things are left to her.

"Mom, it's never easy going a day and trying to forget him. Just don't send me to school. I want to get a job and live a normal life."

She walked towards me and placed her hands on my shoulder. I felt my eyes filled with tears but I tried to control it. I don't want mom to think I'm such a wimp. But I can't, I felt her thumb on my cheeks wiping those wasted tears.

"I can send you to other schools. Away from that school, Lauren."

I closed my eyes and shook my head. Mom understands why I hate school so much.

"Lauren, you know it's not possible to grant your request." She brought her hands to my cheeks and her eyes began to fill with tears, too.

"Okay. Okay, mom. But, can I just transfer?" I begged.

"Oh, Lauren. You're so precious; you don't deserve all the sadness you feel right now. I mean... yeah, I think I could grant that for you."

"Mom, away from this town. I'm going to New York," I blurted.

She dried her cheeks and stared at me, absolutely shocked of what I just said.

"No, you can't be away from us," she protested.

"I know, mom. But let me, let me give back to you, guys. Dropping out last year was such a disappointing idea that you could ever imagine. You spent money for that damn year, both you and dad. I wanna pay back for what I've done. I'm going to New York, enroll myself and resume high school. I'll work at my most convenient time and the money will be for my tuition. One year later, my teenage years will end. I might as well start being independent, as early as possible. Mom, I wanna help."

As much as I wanted to make her understand, I really want to live life normally again. This may be difficult to piece up together but I believe I could do it. I'm not staying at this house being helpless but useful.

She bit her lip, controlled her tears and her eyes were begging for me to stay.

"You know I will never get used to not seeing you come home at night, right?" She sniffled, smiling ruefully to me.

"Mom, I will return your calls. I will definitely not hang up for you, guys. I promise."

She sauntered towards me and later on held me close in her arms.

"Okay, be careful. Do it all your best to protect yourself when you're away," she warned.

I hugged her tightly. She touched the back of my head, giving my hair soft kisses.

"Thank you, mom," I whispered.

I know I'm wrong; I shouldn't be like this. But this is the only thing I know. I still couldn't move on with Guile. I admit I still love him although he cheated on me. I need to get away from that school. Seems like everytime I watch the school's gate open, it would bring millions of memory of him.

He graduated last year because of his undecent ways in order to pass. Disheartening, when we begin seeing each other I have always been inspired on studying. I was always on top, good grades, this and that. I didn't know the heartbreak would cause me to fail.

I don't care about my schoolmates; I care about the pain I still have with me. I used to put myself behind and think of others. I guess it's time to side with myself at this moment-listen to my self. Everytime I set my feet on the school's ground, every heartbreaking words he just said a year go seemed to flash back on my mind. I would never stop crying when his face came into my vision. The school always remind me of how foolish I am when I was seventeen that I fell on his trap-the dare!

Time will come that I will finish high school, present the diploma to my family, and proudly forget every bad memories I once had. I just needed to get out of my past. I never want to be imprisoned forever and be enslaven by my feelings.

I never promised to myself because I know it's inevitable for me to fall in love again yet I have to try not to. I have to try telling myself that Guile is the first and the last to break my heart. Until now, I still thought of all our false happy times but I never stopped believing. This memories would soon fade away.

Getting a job and busying myself thinking of all the works is a good start, I guess. So, I'd be able to see hope that would make me realize that I'm really over him-a hope that would come true-that my feelings for Guile Fresco are considered nothing anymore compared to the sudden downfall he gave me.