Chapter 5

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2 weeks and three days after my mother died, there was a funeral. My aunt had organised it and I knew she intended well by insisting I go, but as the day wore on I felt worse and worse.
The crisp morning air hung still around the small group of family clustered around the grave as they lowered the coffin down into it. The vicar talked a lot and read a prayer and my aunt clung to my arm the entire time, sobbing into a white lace handkerchief. Each person was invited forward to drop a handful of dirt over the coffin. I was of course invited up first. I picked up a small handful of dirt, cringing at the feeling of it under my fingernails and between my fingers. Swallowing the lump in my throat I made my way over to the six foot deep hole and let the dirt fall from my hand with a light patter sound as my family watched on solemnly. I took my place once again and my aunt took my arm. After each person had gone up one by one and the vicar spoke some more and we went back to my aunts and everyone shuffled quietly around her living room, sharing whispered conversations and heartfelt comments, I was finally allowed to go home. I made my way back to my house, still wearing my black suit and matching tie.
I sighed, running a hand through my somewhat tangled hair as I opened the door to my house, silent as always.
I went upstairs, going to get changed. I felt bad for not crying at the funeral, although I guess I was expected to. As I reached the upstairs hallway, I paused outside my mother's room (the first door on the right). It still felt unnerving to be surrounded in complete silence and to longer to hear her soft occasional coughing or the small portable tv in her bedroom blaring a crackly, bad quality tv program is some sort.
I hadn't been in here since she passed away, just couldn't bring myself to do it.
I put my hand up to the brass door knob, pausing and fiddling with the slightly too long sleeves of my suit jacket. With a sudden surge of confidence, I twisted the handle opening the door wide. The paramedics had cleaned the room completely, resulting in a slight antibacterial scent, mixed with the soft comforting aroma of my mother's perfume. Slowly, I walked inside, my shiny, black leather shoes making a rhythmic tapping sound against the polished hardwood floor. The bed had been stripped of its usual floral sheets, which lay folded at the foot of the bed. I made my way over to the window, looking out on the harsh grey clouds, softened by droplets of rain falling fast.
I suddenly sank to my knees, a lump rising in my throat, seizing my power to speak. Tears began to fall from my eyes and I let them, hugging my legs into my chest.

My tears were interrupted by the doorbell echoing throughout the house.

A/N: I'm sorry for not updating this week, but I have exams coming up so there will be some slow updates for a while. I will update this again tonight. As for this past week, a lot happened. Misadventures came out and I drew the album art and Vic liked it on Instagram which was insane. Anyway thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed.

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