They Saved Me (Grey's Anatomy Fanfiction)

23: Goodbye

There is beauty in death. Standing around with his sister as his body was finally put to rest was a torment, but it was also incredibly peaceful. I knew that he was okay now; no more physiotherapy, no more medication, no more surgery. Ever. And really, the most beautiful thing was being able to tell his family- including the girl who'd been my best friend for a short period of time- that he had changed me infinitely for the better.

He didn't have an open casket. We came to the graveyard, saw the coffin lowered, heard some words said, and left. His family weren't ready for a wake. I suggested to Hope that they have it on his next birthday, and she liked that. He needed a celebration. He'd been through so much, he could use a last hurrah.

It was only when Dr Grey and I returned to the hospital that the finality hit me. Until now, his bed had been empty. There was someone else in it now, a scrawny twelve-ish looking boy recovering from eye surgery. It didn't matter, that wasn't Jackson's bed any more. Except it was. And I kept looking over expecting to- no. I kept repeating to myself that he was gone, repeated it until the words lost meaning and became mushy useless sounds.

'Lola,' Dr Grey entered through the door and marched over to my bed with an intern. 'I need you to do me a favour. I'm run off my feet, I've got three consecutive appendectomies this morning and not enough staff. This is Dr Freeman, could you show him where he'll find Amel- Dr Shepherd, she's taking an MRI, and then could you head down to the locker room and grab a spare scrub cap for me? Thanks honey.'

It'd become my job now, running errands, mainly for Dr Grey, but often for Dr Torres, Dr Robbins or even the one who was called Maggie but I'd never learnt the surname of. That lack of knowledge, I thought, was indicative of how I'd become a part of the hospital. Obviously I wasn't a doctor, but every doctor, every nurse, every cleaner, every receptionist, and every long term patient knew me. I ran errands, showed around lost interns, fetched and carried, even nipped out to fetch coffees with an intern who didn't know whether their attending liked lattes or cappuccinos.

Part of me knew this was mainly because I needed distracting. I wasn't lonely, but I didn't have anyone to be really close to any more. Dr Grey was lovely, but I couldn't pretend I was a major part of the life of a busy head of general with three kids and constant sister drama.

Or at least that's what I thought.