May 31, 2016
I only have one suitcase that has been rotting since I got it in like 4th grade. It's navy blue and big enough to hold clothes for like a month. I pull it out of the back of my closet along with a pastel pink dress I haven't worn since my grandpa'a funeral three years ago.
I look at myself in the mirror hanging on the back of my door. "Why don't they just accept me for who I am? Why don't they just fucking get off my ass and realize I'm not perfect?" I whisper to myself.
It's still light outside, so I take the opportunity to pack up all my shit to leave tomorrow. I put all my under clothes in the front compartment and shove my many band tees and black skinny jeans in the main compartment. Mom'a probably gonna shit when she sees all the black clothes. It's not like I have a wide selection of colour options. I finish by putting soap and hair shit on top of my clothes and zipping the shit up.
I know the outfit I'm wearing now isn't dirty, but when I take it off I throw it in my dirty clothes basket anyway. Mr. Jingles is sitting on the wheel in his cage, his face enveloped in his chubbiness, eating a sunflower seed.
"I wish I was you, you little rat. All you have to do is sit there and be cute. Lucky little bastard." I say. To be honest Mr. Jingles is my only friend.
"Alex!" Dad yells from down stairs. "Are you ready?"
"No!" I say. "Almost!"
I take the dress off the hanger and yank it over my head. It's still as big on me as it was three years ago. Thank God -eye roll- that I haven't done any self harm in a long time because my shoulders and arms are fully exposed. The scars are pretty visible though.
I cringe at my scrawny legs and bony arms. "You look like shit." I say, even though it's my fault. I'm the one who hasn't eaten a full meal in a month. It's me who made myself throw up when I did eat a lot.
My breath hitches and I bite back the tears that sting my eyes. I turn on my radio that sits next to Mr. Jingles on my dresser. With Smashing Pumpkins screaming through the speakers, everything just hurts less. Music just takes the shittiness away, and gives it back to you. It's exactly the same but with a hopeful undertone. (Hehehe song reference|-/)
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I know this isn't good, but I like it and stuff so yeah- love you people reading this and shit❤️
