Condoms and Condiments

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June 4, 2016

Gerard's P.O.V.

It's been quite a while since I smoked weed. Last time I did was the summer before I left high school with Ray and Mikey and their other friend named Bob or something. It sucked because I didn't even get high, but I heard that was normal for some people when they smoke for the first time. I look at Alex who's looking at the bag of herbs like it's a baby.
"You look happy." I say, breaking the silence.
"This is the most fun I've had in a while, Gerard. And I haven't gotten high in a long ass time. Especially on weed. I was into more dangerous shit, but this is the best. You ever smoked some Reggie before?" She says.
"Yeah. But it wasn't that fun. I didn't feel anything." I say.
"Well, even if we don't get high, we're still gonna fuck, and that's good enough to me. And if we don't fuck, that's also okay because I get to look at you and kiss you and hold you and get held by you." She says. I feel my cheeks burning.
"Thanks. Th-that's sweet." I say.
"So, now we need to take care of your dad." She says.
"God dammit, Alex." I say, shaking my head.
"What?" She asks.
"I never wanna be separated from you again. I love you. More than anything, and I don't know what I would do if our parents found away to pull us apart. I'd die." I say. She nods and shoves the weed and paper in the left pocket of the sweatpants.
"Same. Gimme two condoms." She says. I'm still holding the box. It hasn't even been opened yet. Poor Jason, hasn't even got to bang yet and someone takes his condoms. I open the box and take two out. Alex takes them from me and giggles. She starts to sprint in the direction of the suite. I follow, trying not to collapse due to the fact that I'm extremely out of shape.
When we reach the suite, we're both out of breath and heaving like race horses.
"Do you think your parents are with the kids doing their white people shit?" Alex asks.
"Pretty sure." I say.
"Okay...let's just be quiet in case. I have two ideas." She twists the door knob and the door opens with a squeak. She slips inside and I follow close behind. My dad is sleeping on the couch.
"What's your ideas?" I whisper. Dad's a really heavy sleeper.
"Got any super glue?" She asks, opening both of the condoms.
"Yeah." I know Dad always has some where ever he goes.
"I need it." She says. I nod and head to the kitchen, grabbing it from the drawer of shit that no one really need, but could come in handy. I hand it to her back in the living room. She smirks and opens it. She coats one side of each of the condoms with it and walks over slowly to my snoring father, placing one of them across his eyebrows and one below his mouth. I cover my mouth to keep from laughing. God, she's great.
She quickly tip toes away and my dad slowly sits up. "Shit, fuck, shit," she whispers as she makes her way towards me. I grab her hand and we run into the kitchen.
"Donna?" He says groggily. Alex and I are holding each other's faces and trying not to laugh. The couch squeaks, which means he either got up or laid back down. I'm guessing he laid down because I don't hear any Footsteps on the tile floor.
"Okay, we gotta get the fuck outta here." I say.
"No, I'm not done." She says. I sigh. She walks over to the fridge and opens it. Shit. She takes out mustard and ketchup.
"What?" I ask.
"Where's their room?" She asks.
"Follow me." I say and lead her out of the kitchen into the hallway and to the last door on the right. She opens it and runs inside, throwing back the sheets on the already messy bed. She uncaps the condiments and sprays them all over the sheets and comforter and pillows. I giggle as she throws the empty bottles and runs past me. I follow and we leave the suite without closing the door behind us. We're too busy laughing to care.
"That was fun. You're so fun." I say, wheezing and gasping for breath.
"The fun has only just begun." She says and kisses me.

A/N aye. That was short and suckish, but eh it took forever.

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