Her Rabbit (Fruits Basket)

Pain

When I first met you, I never would have imagined that I would have such strong feelings for you, I never would have thought that I would have dreams about you or get butterflies in my stomach when someone mentions your name, when I first met you I never would thought that I would love you. -???

"That's...wonderful Momiji." I smiled weakly, making sure the twinge of pain wasn't apparent in my voice.

"Really?" He asked uncertainly.

"Yeah, you and Tohru would make a great couple." I smiled thickly.

"Thanks Hina-chan." Momiji smilrd in relief.

"No problem Bunny Boy. If you ever need any help your welcome to come to me." My heart quivered in rejection of this but I clenched my fists and fought through the painful feeling.

He nodded with a shy smile.

Later he offered to walk me home but I waved him off. He glanced at me, worried perhaps, but I needed to get away.

I was well aware I was acting like a love sick, over dramatic, clingy, hormonal teenage girl, yet no matter how much I tried to force it down, the feeling bubbled up with fierce intensity.

I walked inside, maybe I was emitting a depressed aura because Shigure didn't appear and tease me about my love life.

I walked up the stairs and realized no one was home. Tohru and Yuki had went to visit Ayame and stat for dinner. Kyo went to his teachers dojo and said he would stay the night. Shigure was with his editor at a book signing. I was alone for another 4 hours.

I bit my lip as my hands began to shake. Weak. I'm so weak.

I shut and locked the door and pulled the curtains closed. I didn't want anyone or anything to witness this weakness. It was pathetic.

I shut my eyes and sat near the door. My eyes burned with unshed tears I fought to keep away.

But I was weak after all.

The first tear slid hot and fast against my cheek. I wiped it away quickly but just as it was gone it was replaced by another.

I bit my fist as my shoulders shook. What did I expect? This was a silly school girl crush. One that would never be returned.

Why, why did I have to fall in love with my best friend? Why did it have to be him? If I never fell for the boy with blonde hair and a contagious smile, I wouldn't be feeling this horrible pain.

Momiji and I were in different worlds.

He was happy, friendly, loved, exuberant, and deserved the kindest person who loved him just as much.

I was sad, alone, hated, unneeded, and deserved nothing. Why would he return these feelings?

Tohru and Momiji were the kindest people I've ever met. They deserved each other. I wouldn't stand in their way.

Even if I was cursed to be alone, as long as he was happy, I wouldn't care if I was to die in order for that happiness to stay.

My phone buzzed with a single message from Megumi. Only 2 words that could have meant anything.

To: Hinata

I'm sorry.

From: Megumi

And the dam broke. The tears fell without restraint as I hugged my knees, as if to hold the last pieces from cracking completely.

It hurt.

I shut my eyes pitifully. I was so pathetic. I was so weak. I was so selfish.

Why did I have to fall in love with my best friend? Even when I knew it would only lead in heart break? Why?

I cried pathetically for an hour before piecing myself together. I washed my face, cleansing it of any tear streaks and morphing my face into a mask of strength.

I could be strong. I would be strong.

I will be strong.

Even if it ends in nothing but pain, it would be worth it.

Because even if Momiji would never feel the same as me, I never want to see him go through the crippling pain and loneliness I experience everyday.

Even if he couldn't feel the same as me, I had already come to terms with this feeling.

I had fallen for my best friend I could never have.

I love my best friend Momiji Sohma.

And he could never know.

_________________________

Ah, oh dear, I'm crying. *huddles in corner*

I'm such a horrible person.

I'm sorry Hinata!!! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! *sobs quietly*

I'm a horrible person...