Yellow (boyxboy)

Thoughts

Had that really had that conversation? Was another person besides Julia actually willing to become friends with me? What will I do now that I know that I'm living across the street from a boy who wants to be my friend?

These thoughts and hundreds of more began to flood my mind and preoccupied my brain so I didn't realize that Julia was actually right in front of me, waving her arms in order to get my attention.

"Alexander!"

"Huh? What?"

"Did you even watch the game? Or did you just read and avoid people the entire time?" She then noticed my perplexed expression and yelled, "OH MY FREAKING GOD! What happened?"

"Pipe down Jules! You're literally yelling," I said trying to get her to calm down.

"I'm calm...I'm calm, now tell me what happened!"

""I was sitting over here reading when Luke came over and talked to me."

"Who's Luke?"

"He's my... um. We're neighbors and he helped me after Brett... you know."

"God Brett's such a dick... so what did Luke say?"

"He just wanted to get to know me. He asked me a few questions about myself, I answered, and then he told me a bit about himself."

"Okay and what does he look like?" I stared at her in annoyance

"Why does that matter?" I hope she didn't try to seduce him or anything like that...I mean, not that I care or anything it's just I don't what him to... never mind.

"Am I not allowed to ask a simple question," her arms were crossed in defiance.

"Well he's pretty tall and lean with dirty blonde hair and hazel eyes. I guess he's pretty attractive," I responded in a sort of a trance.

"Sounds cute!" Julia exclaimed. I snapped out of the trance and said, "Julia! If you try to get involved I will never forgive you!

"Geez I won't interfere," she responded while smiling, "anyway it's time to go. Mom's waiting."

Besides being my only friend in this hell, Julia is also the only person I've ever spoken honestly about my sexuality. I've never really considered myself necessarily "straight." I've never really had a preference when it comes to genders and attractiveness but I've also never given myself a chance to start a relationship with anyone mostly because I don't think I really deserve love. I don't really like labels either cause I'm so used to them being placed on me so I don't consider myself anything not gay, straight, or anything. I'm just trying to live my life and trying not fuck it up any more than I already have. 

We walked back the way we came and Julia surprised me as she did not ramble on like she usually does. But I did notice that she was staring at me intensely.

"What's up?" she asked.

"Nothing. Why do you ask?"

"It's just that... you look sad."

"This is my natural expression."

"Oh, well you always look sad then."

"Thanks for noticing," I said sarcastically.

"No problem."

I was lying of course, something was up. Not something sad just very surprising and... different. I hate it when people talk to me. I usually feel sad and hopeless because I know that those people can never get close to me. Yeah I know that Julia's my friend but she was one of the very rare exceptions. I was in a very dark place and I just needed someone to be there for me. She volunteered and most of the time I get depressed because I know that I will have to leave her and then I'll go back to being alone.

With Luke I didn't feel any of my usual emotions. It felt as though we'd been friends for a long time and we just catching up and although it's against my friendship code... I really want to talk to him again.

                                 _________________________________________

It's Monday and three days have passed since I've last spoken to him; it's currently lunchtime and instead of hanging out with Julia I sat alone with (you guessed it) another book. I was sitting there like a freak just reading and barely touching my lunch. Then, out of the blue I heard a familiar voice jokingly say, "Mr. Blake? Is that another book I see? You must pace yourself for I fear the world will run out of books for you to read." I looked up to see Luke's smiling face and bright mischievous eyes.  

"The day that I read all the books in the world while also be the day that my meager existence shall end and down we will all fall into the void of chaos." I said, feeling strangely at ease.

"I love it when you talk all bookish to me... it's pretty cute," he laughed as he sat down in the seat in front of me. 

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked as he was making himself comfortable.

"Sitting," Luke responded, sounding slightly confused.

"I understand you're sitting. I would just like to know why you're sitting with me," I said coldly.

"I'm sitting with you because I need my daily dose of Ally time and I'd rather sit with you and discuss intellectual topics instead of hanging out with my other friends who are embarking on a lively debate on Batman vs Superman." He called me Ally...

"Then welcome to my fortress of solitude."

 Luke laughed, "See? You do have a sense of humor!"

"Thanks for telling me."

"Oh sorry! I didn't mean to be offensive... it's just um... you're funny and I wasn't really expecting you to be. It was a pleasant surprise," he said sincerely. I didn't eat lunch during that period. I was too adsorbed in our conversation. Luke was so funny and confident. He laughed at all my lame jokes and made me smile with his funny ones. 

(Quick A/N this next part is one of my favorites)

When I smiled he suddenly stopped talking and said, "Wow..." 

"What?" I asked curiously

"I think that was the first time I've ever seen you smile and..."

"And what?"

"And I've never seen anything so beautiful."

I could feel my face flood with heat and could sense myself blushing. I stared at the table, knowing that Luke was certainly watching my reaction.

"Are you okay?" he asked. My face was slowly turning back to normal and I looked up again. 

"Yeah. I'm fine."

"Good."

"It's just... I'm just not used to receiving compliments."

"Well that's strange cause you seem like a very easy person to compliment," he said almost shyly.

The bell rang and the lunch period ended. Luke stood up and said, "I'm glad we talked."

"Me too," I responded quietly, almost to myself. Of course he heard me but smiled anyway. He then turned and began to walk away, but he suddenly stopped and made his way towards me. I looked at him in surprise.

"Can I walk you too class?" he asked confidently. There was a second of shocked silence.

"Um... yeah if you want."

After that conversation something changed. It seems to me that I can no longer stand by my old code. I want to be his friend, Luke's friend badly. I just wish I knew how to tell him.