The Mess I Made

Homesick

"I close my eyes and I see your face. If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place."

-x-

I've never been able to handle loss well but no one does really. Loss can be a lot of things. Loss can be when someone you love dies or when they move. It can be when your favorite pet is no longer here with you. It can even be when you lose your favorite teddy bear.

Before Nikki died I always found myself wanting to cut ties with everyone. I thought it would be easier because then I wouldn't have to miss them if they died but I was wrong. I learned that after not having any friends or family around for three years. I couldn't stand being alone. The silence was just too much. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep and longing for someone to talk to.

Don't ever wish to just be alone. Everybody needs somebody sometimes.

-x-

Katherine snapped, "What are you laughing at?"

"I was coughing..." I began coughing again trying to hide my sheepish grin, "See, just a cough."

She glared at me and flipped her hair, "I'm not stupid you know."

"Never said you were." I batted my eyelashes, "Why would you ever think such a thing Kat? I think very highly of you."

"Cut the crap Skye."

"Why does everyone always say that to me? I was just trying to be the kind person that I am."

Ariana lowered her eyes at me, "Quit while you're ahead Skyelynn."

"Since when are you best friends with her?"

 "Never said I was." she mocked. 

Cameron said while walking towards the door of the venue, "I don't mean to interupt this-er-thing you guys have going on here but we have to go set up. We have a show to get ready for."

I mouthed a quick thank you and Cameron smiled. I could feel Zach's eyes burning in the back of my head. I shot him a confused you and shook my head, "I'll catch up with you guys later. There's something I need to take care of first."

-x-

I got back in my car and just started driving. I knew where I needed to be but I wasn't sure how it was going to go. I wasn't sure how they were going to react. It's been about three and a half years since my parents had last seen me. The last time they saw me they were practically shoving me out the door of my own house.

Everyday my parents and I fought. Sometimes it was about me cutting classes and other times it was my drinking. The fights would start out small but it would increase over time. I knew just how to push each of their buttons and they knew how to push mine. One day they just got sick of. They got sick of me.

Flashback

It was fall. The air was cool and windy. The leaves had already fallen off the trees and the winter season was fast approaching. It's only a month and a half since Nikki died and if you thought things were going downhill before you are certaily mistaken.

I was upstairs minding my own business when my mother came barging in. Nikki and I are the spitting image of our mother. We have her facial features and her hair color. The only thing we didn't have are her green eyes. We have dad's eyes. 

Mom and I are more similar than just our looks. We're both hard headed and sarcastic while my dad is a bit of a pushover. Nikki was a lot like dad. She balanced mom out while I was often pushing her over the edge. I'm pretty sure that she preffered Nikki over me.