The Mess I Made

On My Way

"I've got to be on my way 'cause everything's gonna change."

-x-

I am fully aware of how rude it is to invite yourself somewhere but it's not like they were just going to leave me behind. They were going to ask me to come with them eventually so it was like I was saving them some time. Even if they never got around to ask me I still would have found some other way to sneak on to their tour bus whether they liked it or not.

It's weird thinking that I'll be spending the next few weeks on a tour bus because I still remember when we had to rent that big white van and small trailer or to small party gigs and school dances. Even before we rented the van we use to have to take two or three separate cars just to get all of the equipment to fit in the damn thing.

I just can't wrap my head around everything. They're going on a full length tour which means twenty two dates across the country. When did everything change? God, I know I've already seen them play a few shows but all of those have been in California so it wasn't much of a difference to me. It's just weird how far they've come in just a few years.

I wish I was there through everything. I wish I got to see them sign to a record label or when they were in the recording studio. I can't change the fact that I wasn't there. The only thing I can change is being there for all of them right now. 

-x-

All of the boys went home to pack up their belongings for the tour. Of course they all waited untilt the last minute to do everything. I was prepared for the first time ever but that's only because I never bothered unpacking my bags after rehab because I was afraid I was going to be back there. 

I would say that it's time to unpack my bags but I'm going on another adventure. It's weird...I didn't think that I would be able to get this far. I didn't think I would be ready to put down the bottle. I was afraid that temptation would always be around the corner but for the most part I've seemed to avoid it. The real test will be how I do on the road where I'll be alone a lot of the time since the boys have a lot of work to do. I think I can do it.

Ariana and I first went over to my apartment so I could collect my suitcase and other stuff that could be lying around. I knew it wouldn't take long so Ariana stayed in the car. I didn't really want her to see my apartment anyway. It's kind of pathetic really.

I threw whatever wasn't in the suitcase into a smaller bag. I quickly grabbed my suitcase and went out the door. I was ready to get away from California so I wouldn't have to be faced with my past every single day.

I got into the driver side of the car and slammed the door shut. Ariana and I remained quiet for most of the ride except for a few remarks here and there. Neither of us wanted to talk and I knew exactly why. The last time that I went to her house was when I was packing up my bags because she kicked me out. At the time I was pissed but now that I look back on it I realize that it was probably the best thing for me.

We pulled into Ariana's house. Ariana's house was quite large. The majority of the house was a dark shade of green with white detailing around the windows and garage. It looked like a normal house where a big family lived but I knew better. I knew that Ariana's parents were never around and by the looks of it. They still weren't. There wasn't a car insight. I could see the look of sadness cross through Ariana's eyes but she quickly dismissed it and went on.

We got inside the house and everything was exactly the same. The pictures on the wall were of Ariana when she was much younger, a time when both of her parents were around. There was not single picture of Ariana laying around once she hit high school because that's when her parents started going out more which left Ariana home alone a lot of the time.