The Mess I Made

Lost In Stereo

 "Tearin' up the radio. Lost in the stereo's sound."

-x-

You know how I'm always saying how psychic I am? Well obviously I'm not but a girl can dream. If I was psychic I would find out what the future has in store, not just for me but for all of us.

I just want to know if we're all going to be okay again. If I asked anybody what they thought they would tell me that everything would be fine and just to have a little hope. Well, I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of hoping. I just want to know the answers. I want to know what's going to happen whether it be good or bad so I'll be able to prepare myself.

As much as I want to know the future maybe it's best not to know. What's the fun in not knowing what's in store? If you knew what was going to happen you wouldn't try to reach it because you would just expect it.

Honestly...there's no fun in waiting to see what's in store for Zach and I since our entire relationship has been one problem after another.

It wasn't always like this. At first our relationship was just butterflies and rainbows. It was pure bliss. We were with each other nearly every day even when the boys had band practice. We couldn't get enough of each other's pressence even though we've been a part of each other's lives for so long. It was like we were rediscovering each other. To be honest I don't think Zach even thought of me as a girl until he saw me at the Snow Ball. What a stupid name for a dance right? Especially when it doesn't even snow in this part of California. Anyway, that's besides the point. Our relationship was fun and flirty for a while anyway. That was until I got tired of being known as Zach Porter's girlfriend.

It didn't bother me at first. I actually kind of liked it but one day I realized that was the only way that people knew who I was. Before I went out with Zach I was that quiet girl in the back of the room making stupid comments here and there about what the teacher was doing. Pretty hard to believe right? You would never think of me as quiet now. If anything you would just think of me as annoying, according to Zach anyway.

One day I got so fed up with people not knowing who I was and I took a different direction. I turned to alcohol. I went to parties and danced on the top of tables. I became known as the party girl but the party girl can only be fun for so long. For a while I was able to control my alcohol limit but then one day it just got worse. I couldn't tell you the exact day because a lot of what happened is a blur but I do know that it was bad.

Once I went downhill so did our relationship. We fought more and even broke up a few times. Somehow we always found our way back together which wasn't easy, believe me. It really took a toll on our friendship and even our friendship with the others as well. In the end we were just done. Neither of us wanted to continue fighting any longer so we gave up.

So why am I trying so hard to get it back to the way it was now? I don't know. Maybe it's because I still see the way that he looks at me even if he is scowling most of the time.

-x-

Zach and I followed Cameron and Ariana out of the storage room after being in there for over an hour. Michael was still busy chatting with Cassidy about God knows what. He barely even looked over when we were walking past him.

It's weird seeing him talk to another girl besides my sister but I'm glad he's starting to get a little bit happier. If anyone deserves happiness it's Michael. Underneath all of that cocky attitude he's still a great guy once you get to know him.

"Mikey, we're heading out-"

"Give me a second." He turned back to Cassidy and started talking to her again. She giggled at whatever he was saying. A small piece of hair fell into her eyes and Michael pushed it away. I smiled at the simple gesture and turned away when I heard the front door open.