Vengeance Of Love (Camren) (G!P)

Chapter 1.

Lauren's POV

"Lauren Michelle Jauregui, age 19, Female. Undergoes severe anxiety attacks, Borderline Personality Disorder, and critical Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) conditions. Patient must orally ingest appropriate medication or oblige to weekly psychotherapy to ensure that he/she ceases from frequent agitation, self destructive behavior, or unwanted thoughts that can leave patient mentally unstable. Patient must attend therapy sessions during school hours or take medication. Patient may also have panic attacks that may lead to serious heart and respiratory--"

It was funny to me how a wrinkled, old sheet of paper held my life story in only a single paragraph. Despite the fact that no one else could tell, only the fact that I was different from others mentally, it was almost like my autobiography in a way...except I hadn't written a single word down.

The rest of it was all a blur to me, the familiar words were almost printed and latched onto my mind like my own name. I had heard those exact words too many times before, like my life consisted of the unwanted repetition no matter how many times I fought it. Whether it was at school, in a hospital, or even a mental facility--what I was diagnosed with was a part of my everyday life and it had become a cycle to the point where I didn't mind waking up to scars. I didn't mind not being able to even breath when I got one of my many frequent panic attacks. I didn't mind the lingering thoughts of what my life consisted of in the past because at the end of the day I realized that I would most probably carry all of it to the grave with me.

It would be engraved on my stone, permanently, like it always has. It was the one thing I carried around with me since the horrific tragedy I call my childhood:

Despair.

This despair is a heady blackness; the ways forward I had thought were possible have vanished to black, not blocked, but like they were never there at all. The notion of hope has become meaningless, if my mind should linger on such ideas they start to feel like cruel tricks, as cruel as any desert mirage. The bonds I have, the ones that keep my heart beating, feel so thin and even they are a terrible weight. It was the slight pain of waking up in the morning knowing my past would affect my future terribly.

"It says here, you can play any sport despite the circumstances." I blink my thoughts away and lock both hands together, running my tongue over my teeth quite nervously. I look up at the old woman through my lashes and nod softly, meeting her soft, dough brown eyes. "Are you interested in any sport or club to add to your schedule? You have three spaces to fill out, since you've finished most of your classes."

Of course I had finished all my classes--how couldn't I? This was my third time in only a matter of six months that I had been transferred into yet again, another school. It wasn't because I happen to be a poor student or because I wasn't astute enough to be enrolled in any of their AP programs--because in reality, It was the complete opposite.

I grew out of misbehaving and trying to fail classes on purpose because at the end of the day, it was my future I was destroying, not anyone else's. After middle school, I became sharper. I was suddenly passing all my classes with a 4.0 GPA in every single subject, I was known for top student in class, and I was even offered to skip my freshman year...which I was too scared to accept.

All of that was only a waste in my book, considering my previous choices in life ruined my chances of any happiness. You see, I was considered unworthy of love and respect with my biological parents. My father was a drunk that saw me as a monster because of my rare condition and my mother was always weeping about my twin, which she lost at birth. So just taking a glance at my face was painful for her.

I hated every minute I spent in that house, and if anyone payed me a million dollars to go back- I'd deny without having to think about it. All the pain and misery that was caged within me in that house was still locked inside my chest, with no chance of escape. Every memory, every scar...I would take all of it to my grave.