Vengeance Of Love (Camren) (G!P)

Chapter 10.

Lauren's POV

The car ride to the treatment center was horrible. I hated every second of having to grow silent every time Dinah asked where we were headed, especially after a while when she grew just as silent and more frustrated. I decided to wait until I actually get to the treatment center instead of explaining it to her because I simply can't tell her now out of pure embarrassment. No one of else but my family and Dinah has known about my complex disorders and it's scary to think about it from another perspective, so I usually keep to myself. At this point, maybe even Ally and Normani know about my PTSD trigger after the courtyard incident but I choose to never bring it up.

"I think you seem to forget that I've kept my own secrets too," Dinah speaks out, her eyes glued to the road out in front of her. I spare her a single glance as I continue to drive, my hands on the steering wheel in an attempt to ease my tense muscles. "Why did you bring me with you?"

I don't really understand why she's asking me such a question when she has an idea to why I brought her. I didn't have to explain myself to her, in fact, I didn't really know the answer to her question either. I felt alone. I don't have anyone to understand the way I feel. I suppose Dinah can mirror my situation because she understands what I'm going through.

"Dinah it feels like I'm stuck in some movie or some tragic story," I whisper, not wanting to meet her eyes when I feel her staring at me. "It doesn't feel real. I don't want to believe it's real. It's like Murphy's law is following me around everywhere I go, and I can't seem to control how I feel. How are you this good at hiding the fact that you're hurting?"

"Lauren I was also adopted, my parents have also died, I also can't forget about my tragic past because when and if I do...I feel dead. I feel like my life is nothing." Dinah adds when she notices how close we are to the treatment center, now a few blocks away when we're able to see it's large construction. "I've learned to hold back from my emotions."

"How?" My voice cracks. "This isn't just something I can push away, this isn't just a memory. You can forget about it Dinah, you can push those thoughts away but I can't. I have a daily reminder of how shitty my life is every single day. I go to school fearing that someone will walk up to me and confront me about my biological parents or my dads...or maybe even the fact that I let your sister push me around like I'm some child."

It's only when I approach the parking lot of the horrid center is when I turn to witness her reaction, eyes flickering between the building and my eyes until I eventually sigh and lean back against the drivers seat. I feel Dinah's eyes on me the whole time but I don't want to look at her, I don't want to admit that I'm doing this to myself and I don't want to recognize it. I can easily tell someone about Camila, hell I can even stand up for myself and prevent some fight between me and her but I choose not to all because I feel like it's the right thing to do.

I bullied her as a child and I can't go back to stop myself from hurting her, it's done. I shouldn't feel pitied for or sad about it now because I deserve everything she's throwing at me. I deserve every punch every kick, every vulgar word that comes out of her mouth towards me. I deserve it all. Hell, maybe the worlds getting back at me for what I've done, and there's no mercy to spare for me.

"I can't tell you that it'll feel better in a little while because it won't," Dinah admits when I park the car, soon turning the engine off before pulling the keys out of the ignition. I sigh loudly and swallow hard, leaning my head against the rest before letting my eyes fall closed. "It took me years before I could admit that my parents were dead and gone, that I would never get to see them again. I couldn't forget about it and I still can't, but I understood that crying about it my whole life would not change a single damn thing. I faced my situation like a woman, even though I was only a child. I managed to...I just don't think it'll be the same for you."