SIN

I'm holding on

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November, Wednesday

Melissa

It's been two weeks...

Yet, as I lay my head on the wooden desk in my office , the images continue to freely flow around in my mind so vividly. So painfully that I just feel like screaming. It's like I'm living my worst nightmare. Only no matter how hard I try, I just can't wake up.

I tangle my fingers into my hair and pull, just as I feel a sob fighting its way to escape my lips.

I just don't understand what I did to my husband that was so horrible, so horrendous, and so godawful that he'd given me cheating in return. "Oh God, it hurts" I cry onto my desk. The realization that I never wanted my kids to grow up in two different households hit me with the force and the speed of a truck. Their lives are going to be so different now.

"W-why me?" I attempt to bottle up my cries, but it hurts so badly that I just let go. I let it all onto my wooden desk, hoping that when I am all done, I will finally wake up. Hoping that the pain will finally vanish, even though that hasn't been working for the past weeks.

A few minutes later, my office phone rings. The loud sound instantly aggravating me. For a moment, I forget if I am at work. I forget that this isn't normal behavior and neither is it professional. I lift my head from the desk, wipe underneath my eyes, take a deep breath and answer.

"D-Doctor Black" I try to sound like my normal self. Normal as in the cheery woman that I used to be when I stepped foot in this place. Normal as in the happily married woman that was. Normal as in the woman who had the life and the marriage that everyone was so jealous and envious of.

"Um, Doctor Black?" My assistant questions, pointing out that my mission to sound like myself has failed.

"Yeah, it's me Sarah" I place my hand over my burning forehead as I welcome a pounding headache.

"I-I'm sorry. There is a Mrs. Simmons on the line for you"

"Thank you Sarah. Send her through" I run my fingers through my hair again before receiving the call on the other line. You would think that being a Counseling Psychologist would help my case right now, but I can't even advise myself a convenient way to make this go away.

"This is Doctor Black" I swallow at the mention of his last name that I'm probably going to have to hear for the rest of my life. Well technically until I can make up my mind. I never wanted to marry to divorce. I don't assume that anyone in their right minds wants such thing. Who goes into marriage with the hope of divorcing?

"Greetings Doctor, this is Mrs. Simmons, calling from Lincoln Elementary School concerning your children, Mikaela and RJ Black" my heart leaps out my chest, and I'm up from my chair in seconds.

"A-are they okay? Did something happen? Is something wrong?" I place my hand over my palpitating heart, and immediately all thoughts of Rony vanish from my mind.

"Oh, no, Mrs. Black, your children are absolutely fine" I release a deep breath of relief. "The after school program is over with, and your children have not yet been picked up, and RJ asked me to give you a call" She informs me in a very soft, friendly tone, and I frown. I briefly glance at the large clock perched on the wall and frown even deeper. It's forty minutes after five.