SIN

I just need Faith

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November, Thursday

Vanessa

"What does it say?" My husband quickly rises to his feet to meet me as soon as I step out the bathroom. It's so heartbroken to see his face go from containing a smile to an ugly frown, simply just from looking at the expression that my own face contains.

After six years of trying, you'd think he'd lose the hope already, but nope, he hasn't. Although it's slightly comforting to know that I'm not the only one who desperately wants this. To know that I'm not the only who craves and yearn for this.

"The usual" I throw the negative pregnancy test onto our made bed and walk out of the room. My husband follows right behind me, of course. We've been doing this for years now, and this year I just don't think that I can take anymore.

"Baby–" he reaches for my hips and pull me back against him. I slowly sank my finger nails into my thighs to keep from crying. But my husband knows me enough. "Shh, it's okay baby" he kisses every exposed inch of skin of mine that he can place his lips upon.

"How can you say that? It's not okay Jerome!" I pull out of his embrace. "I'm your wife, and I can't even give you one little baby, how the hell is that okay?!" Fat tears stroll down my cheeks as I look up at my husband. I know this has got to be hard for him too, but for my sake he's trying to be as strong as a man can be. He withholds his composure.

"Baby, you will get pregnant–"

"When! When I'm a hundred! I've tried everything Jerome, and nothing works. It's time for us to face reality here, because I will never be able to give you a child" I turn to descend the stairs but he grabs me back instantly and pulls me against his chest again.

I drop my head against his chest and hopelessly sob. He removes the head-band, and rubber-band from my hair and allow it to cascade freely down my back. I wrap my arms around my husband's waist and cry carelessly, for I know that he will not judge me.

"Look at me baby" he runs his fingers through my hair and rubs my back soothingly. I grip the sides of his shirt and bury my face deeper into it, inhaling his scent. "Baby, look at me" he kisses my forehead, and I slowly bring my teary brown eyes to meet his grey ones. "You're so beautiful" he kisses my lips.

"How long did it take Sarah to get pregnant?" He asks, referring to the Sarah in the bible.

"F-forever" I sniffle. My husband uses his thumbs to wipe away my tears.

"But did she, or did she not end up with a child in the end?"

"She did" I swallow.

"Then what is it that you're worried about baby? You know that God is never late. All we need to hold on to here is our faith. Don't tell me you're losing that" he searches my eyes.

"I-I just want to be a mother so badly. Why is it so easy for everybody else to get pregnant?" I cry, trying to drop my head against Jerome's chest again, but he holds up my face.

"Baby" he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me even closer to him than before. "Just answer this. Is God ever late?"

"N-no" I answer.

"Then we have nothing to worry about, baby girl" he kisses away my tears, and instantly I feel better with just the assurance of his words. "I love you. And best believe we're going to be parents one day" he smiles before kissing my lips again.