SIN

In process

REMEMBER: VOTE FIRST!

November, Tuesday

Melissa

"Would you forgive your own father for raping you at  the age of fourteen?" My patient looks up at me through teary eyes and I feel my heart drop, even though I already know the story.

A long time ago, and I mean a very long time ago before I'd known Christ and accepted him, I would've answered hell no instantly. But sometimes, being a real Christian changes your view on certain things.

One part of me is cursing her father for doing such an awful thing to her, but the other part of me sees that forgiving the bastard is the only way that this woman will ever be fixed.

"I'm sorry Karen, but I'm not allowed to answer that" I say apologetically.

"I'm holding in so much anger, it's killing me. I went to visit him last week, and he cried. He kept saying that he just wants me to forgive him" Fat tears stroll down her cheeks, and she looks up at the ceiling to stop them from falling.

"How long has he been asking for your forgiveness?" I swallow down the bile of emotion that'd form down my throat and adjust myself in my chair.

"Oh God, too long" she sniffles and wipes under her eyes. "Way too long" the tears fall again and I hand her a box of tissues that I keep in my office for moments like this.

It is slowly killing me to see this beautiful young woman sitting before me so lost and broken. But not broken beyond repair, because I can see that she has a heart that you only find once in a million.

"You know, I never talk to him when I visit. I just look at him and wonder what a man like him is doing behind bars for raping his fourteen year old daughter" she chuckles. You know, one of those fake chuckles you give when you're beyond upset, or angry. The chuckle of a mad woman.

"I've been holding on to that anger for ten years, and it's ruining my life. I keep pushing guys away. I-I think all men are pigs! I get anxious when I'm alone with a man, because in my mind I think he's going to rape me. My father was supposed to protect me, but instead he raped me!" She screams out with a sob and covers her face.

My husband was supposed to love and cherish me until death did us apart, but instead he cheated on me and left me to cry myself to sleep every night!

I almost join her into the crying fest, but I remind myself that I'm supposed to help this woman and not pour out my own problems onto her. "K-Karen look at me" My voice cracks. I scratch my throat.

"H-he told me that he's been going to bible study, and that shocked me because so have I. I w-want to be able to f-forgive him because he's the only parent I have left. Oh God" The crying continues and she tugs at her hair.

I scribble that action down in my notepad. "I like your shoes" she compliments, in a way to distract herself from the pain.

"Thank you" I lift one of my legs and cross it over the other. "So Karen, when you look at your father now, do you still see the man that he was ten years ago, or do you see a changed man?"

"Y-yesss. I see a change in him" she licks her lips and looks up at the ceiling again.

"What do you see when you look at your father?"

She pauses to think, and responds a couple minutes later "I see a changed man who's regretful for his mistake. A man who may not be just as hurt as I am, but hurt. He looks troubled, lost, and um, fragile. As though you can break him with just one simple word. Rapist" She looks at me with her big baby blue eyes and I nod, urging her to continue.