Reasons Why Patrick Should Stay Alive

32;

tw: suicide, abuse and depression

i had five memories with pete that were burned into my brain, five memories that wouldn't leave my brain and I wanted to write them down, so I picked up my old black inked ballpoint pen and started to write in my fake black leather coated old sketchbook.

   1.            smoker buddies
the first day I met him, back then Pete was Jordan, Jordan was known around school for being a badass lesbian and Brenda urie's best friend who was known for being the school stoner and George Ryan Ross the thirds girlfriend and he was the son of an important, rich, business man and CEO of some important company and i was just patrick the guy who knew everything about music and could steal merch from hot-topic and not get caught, also for being a huge nerd.
so back to the story, I met Jordan while smoking behind the school and the first thing out of her mouth was "oh look the twelve year old cross dresser is smoking" and of course I had to make some snarky  remark "oh look it's the emo, MySpace called they want their look back" but let's just say I left the school grounds with a black eyes and a hickey and she left with bruises on her thighs and swollen lips.
oh Pete, he always had anger issues but I never seemed to mind probably because I used to be able to fight back if he ever lashed out and that was because of my years of baseball and helping my brother Kevin with his wrestling.
I could fight back if someone wanted to beat me up and I was proud of that until after the coach found me making out with Mikey and i got kicked off the team for being gay, when the whole school found out about me that it didn't end pretty for myself but that's a different story, so anyway me and Pete or Jordan met behind our school, we both smoked and had lots in common and also we were fuck buddies.

     2            "i'm a boy"
coming out is hard thing for everyone, but for some reason jordan trusted me enough to come out to me, just after knowing each other for six months. Pete came out to me on halloween at Frank ieros birthday party, we were playing truth or dare with each other and brenda (who was not out yet) and I asked her to tell me something no one knows and her response was "I'm a boy"  I nodded and said "so Pete your turn" .
that was how 1) Pete came to me and brendon and 2) he got his name, I don't even know how I came up with Pete I think it was because of his dad  (Peter Wentz the second) and his name was jordan Leah krista wentz so I helped him and we ended up with Peter Lewis Kingston wentz the third, a few weeks later you got a binder and we went shopping, then we cut your hair and you got some tattoos to make you feel "masculine".
I was so proud of you when you finally got testosterone and told me you finally felt valid, I hugged you and told you that you have always been valid no matter what gender you are or what you have in your pants or what on you chest, I think I cried that day.

       3         "happy birthday bub"
this actually happened about a month after we met, it was the 27th of April, my 13th birthday, my family was in Europe and I was alone at home blaring green day and prince all day with Spencer.
me and Spencer have been best friends since before we were fetuses, funniest thing both of my best friends are trans, he came out to me in 1st grade and I told him that I could cut his hair and proceed to cut his (down to your waist) hair off with my child safety scissors.
anyways me and him were eating some "spence brownies" we stole from Brenda and where really stoned when you walked into the house, you called out my name and I came running and hugged you as soon as you popped your pretty head around the corner.
you chuckled a "happy birthday bub" and gave me a black envelope with my name scribbled on it.
you gave me tickets to a one direction concert and that concert was the best experience of my life, probably because I asked you to be my boyfriend from the up on stage and you said yes or maybe because I got to sing summer love with the boys (and zayn ahhh that was when he was still in the band) or maybe because i was with you and we were happy I don't know but it was amazing, thank you Pete.
ps I love the nickname bub.

        4        7 minutes in heaven
not all of these are happy but three out of five are so now let's do the two that aren't.
I got a call from you at 3:26 am on a clear Wednesday night.
you were sobbing and I could hear hallelujah by jish playing in the background and you said something about swallowing a whole bottle of Ativan and being at the Best Buy parking lot, that made me snap and I called 911 telling them you took a whole bottle of Ativan and told them your location.
I hung up after that a curled up into a ball and cried until I was exhausted and feel asleep by taking three sleeping pills.
the next day I went to the hospital and you told me you where dead for seven minutes, well you said something more like "guess what 'trick, I was in heaven for seven minutes" and that was the one thing I can never get out of my head.
I made you stay at my house for the rest of that month we fell asleep next to each other every night until your mom got worried and called you home.
the funny thing about you was that you didn't need therapy, you just snapped out of your depressing state and became the happy Pete I was used to and we didn't mention your attempt again for a while.

     5            I hate you patrick stumph
and the last memory was the night I found you getting fucked by mikey, the night I found you getting pounded into screaming his name, the night you tore my heart out of my chest and threw it away like it was last weeks trash, the night you left me with more bruises then I've ever experienced.
I can't explain with words what you did to me, I also can't go a week without thinking about it and I can't belive you anytime you tell me that you love me, because if you did you wouldn't do that to me and if I'm being honest I don't forgive you and I never will.
BUT I still love you but I will not forgive you

your truly patrick martin stumph

I closed my book and threw it across the room before I  jumped into my bed and fell into the first dreamless sleep in months

sorry that this took so long but I hope you enjoy it((((:oh and if you want me to add any new characters then comment who and I will cause I need some new ones