The Throne (Prince Harry fanfic #6)

Chapter Nine

Harry stood there for the longest time. The world didn't move, like he didn't. Nighttime was long and straining. He felt none of it. Eventually Harry just sat down on the bed. That was the only movement he made. That was all he could do. Staying awake all night, he tried to think of some way to save his marriage. He tried to form words into sentences that might work on Lucy. He would've begged and pleaded. He would've done anything. He believed Lucy didn't want this either; she didn't actually want to get a divorce, but she felt like she had no other choices.

"Lucy." The name was dry in his mouth. His tongue was too heavy. His lips were too thin. His mind was too clouded.

Lucy, I'm sorry, he thought. I'm so sorry. Please, come back. I didn't mean-- I'm sorry. We have too much to lose. I love you. Come back to me.

Those words didn't seem like enough.

Lucy, please.

Maybe he shouldn't have begged.

Lucy, I love you, and I understand that I screwed up. I've been screwing up. I've been failing you, when I promised I wouldn't fail you. I promised to be by your side forever and ever, and I failed you. I have been failing you. I'm sorry isn't enough, but if you give me another chance. I can do it. I promise I can.

Could he, though? Could he have truly just been good enough for her?

Lucy, I haven't been good enough. I was good enough at some point, and you put your trust in me. You gave your all for me. You gave everything up for me. You have supported me. You have loved me. You have stood by my side. And I haven't said thank you. I have been distracted, and I forgot the most important thing in my life: you. You are my life. You always have been.

Those words were the truth, but he didn't know if Lucy would've believed them.

Lucy, you have messed up too, like I have. We're equals in this. And I know last night was my fault, but it was your fault before. You've done this too.

Harry bit his tongue. He wasn't going to get Lucy back that way.

Lucy, I have broken your heart, I know.

Those words weren't right either.

Lucy, I love you. We both have done some things, and I hope you love me too. I hope you choose to stay. I know things are bad now, and they've been bad for a while. And I didn't notice or maybe I ignored it altogether. But I am ready now. I will be by your side. I choose you and I choose this family, and I choose my life to belong to you. I love you, Lucy. I always have, from the moment I met you in Africa, to when we moved in together, to when we married, to each of our children. I have loved you. I will continue to love you.

Harry wasn't sure if he could've said that aloud.

Lucy, if you want to leave, I'll let you leave--

That was the right thing, right? If Lucy felt like a prisoner here, inside the palace walls, maybe it was time to let her go. It was time to let her be free? He loved her, always and forever, but he didn't want history to repeat itself. His mother stared at him, with the same blue eyes, and he knew what happened there. He didn't want Lucy to hate him-- he would've continued to love her.

Lucy, if you want to leave, I'll let you leave. If you truly want to leave, I'll let you be free. You never asked for this life. You never wanted this life. You chose me and you got this life too. But this was never what you wanted. This life was thrown at you, and you have nurture it. You've given it your all. But if you want your life back and that's the only way, I'll let you go. I'll sign the papers. Take what you want.