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Chapter 18

Chapter 18

NATE'S POV

I did it.

I actually confessed my feelings for her.

YOU IDIOT.

Why the hell did I do that? Look at her - she hasn't moved or said a word in minutes. Did I expect her to burst into tears and confess her love for me?

Okay, only a little, but that's just my ego talking. I mean, every other time in my life that I've 'confessed' anything to a girl, it's usually either resulted in tears, sex, or both.

But with Haley, I got nothing.

I was trying to give her time to process everything, but what I really wanted to do was take it all back. Not because I didn't have feelings for her, because I did. I always have.

No, I wanted to take it back because I may have just ruined everything.

Would I ever get over my selfishness? Especially with Haley...I couldn't afford to be selfish with her. She was the one good thing in my life that I luckily had a second chance to work at.

These past three years, I had been working on improving myself for the better. Of course, I obviously did it because I wanted to be a better person but I also did it because...well, I thought one day I'd be good enough for her.

But, as usual, I'm such a fuck up. I mess everything good in my life up, just like Nate fucking Chester always does.

Haley and I were doing fine before this. We had a good thing going and being the dumbass I am, I threw all of that away. We were less than lovers and more than friends. This state of in between that consisted of flirtatious exchanges, subtle glances at each other, hidden smiles, and this constant state of understanding between us. It was a connection that was like no other.

I knew how she felt. She felt as passionate about us as I did, but too afraid to admit anything or make a move. I could see it in the way she looked at me, I could hear it in the way she spoke to me. We wanted each other but were too afraid to have that much of each other to ourselves.

It wouldn't make sense to anyone else, but it made sense to us, and that's why it worked. That's why she was perfect for me. She could stand by me at my best, handle me at my worst, and work her way with me in between it all.

But what if I crossed the line?

What if I was just imagining all that?

What if I had lost her forever?

And more importantly, where were our drinks?

"I know you hate me," I blurted out, unable to take the silence any longer. "If you're mad, I understand. I shouldn't have lied to-"

"Nate," Haley abruptly cut me off. Finally. Say something, anything, to keep me from making a bigger fool of myself. "I don't hate you, I could never. I'm just taking a minute to figure out what all of this means."

She doesn't hate me, thank God.

But what did this all mean?

Hell if I know. I wasn't exactly planning on spilling my guts out to her spontaneously like this. I wanted to do it after a proper date with a dinner and sex (then more sex) and everything. But there was always something about Haley that made me vulnerable. Even looking at her unraveled me. Every time we spoke, I wound up opening to her about something different about me during every conversation and before I knew it, I had told her my entire life story before we've even gotten our drinks.