Fear of falling apart

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I could practically see the sudden fear in his eyes when I caught him in the convenience store. The sound of the empty can of green beans rolled and echoed through the vacant and destroyed isles as he had accidentally kicked it. In an instant, I had my gun up at him, not the slightest of terror in my face. While he was frozen in place, I took in his appearance.

He had a torn black hoodie and matching dark hair that was parted over one side of his face. He wore skinny jeans and was completely unarmed. He didn't seem to have come outside prepared to defend himself from any danger. I guess he thought it was going to be some kind of cakewalk to go out for looting.

Surely, the old me would have taken pity on him, but this time, I didn't. Besides, in this world, no weapon means you're better off dead than alive.

Besides, I was the one to come home with food everyday to the shack. My sister and Stan and Ford - they all trusted me to get them supplies and deer meat. To them, the event of me coming home was exciting. I've been keeping this up for a while now and I wasn't going to let a dumb teenager plead his way out of a dumb mistake.

“W-woah, man.” He stuttered uneasily. “Take it easy now. Please don't shoot me.”

“Why shouldn't I?” I asked.

“I'm begging you, please. I don't have any weapons. See?” He held up his hands as if to show me.

“That was your mistake.” I told him.

“Look man. I'm serious!” His voice quivered. “I don't want any trouble.”

“Well, maybe I do.” I said, wearing his patience thin.

“I mean it, man. I have friends to get back to. I'm just here to get in and out. If you let me live, I can get you some things. Just please let me go.”

“You talk too much, y’know?” I told him, not letting my guard down.

He let out a breathy laugh. “Yeah, that's funny because I-”

Right then, I cut him off. I pulled the trigger. The sound echoed throughout the entire store and he fell to the ground with a thunderous thud. By this point, I had learned how to push my feelings aside, turn away, calm myself, and eventually shoot.

“Sorry.” I mumbled to the ground behind me. “Don't take it personally. You were just wasting my time.” I didn't turn back to look, yet I didn't hear any signs of him still alive so I assumed he died instantly.

Though I didn't hear the teen say another word, I did overhear the grumbling sound of one of the infected, probably in that very store. “Come get your dinner before it gets cold.” I joked though my voice didn't have the slightest of humor.

I had left the teen there as a treat to the zombie, leaving the store with a bag full of supplies and the feeling of unexpected guilt. I didn't know how the government could do it all day - shooting down people who were infected.

Once out of the door of the store, I screamed. I needed to kick something. I couldn't hold back my anger, kicking the outside wall as if I had the intention of knocking the store down completely to the ground.

The sound of their laughter as I entered the gift shop’s door was aggravating. It was easy for them to laugh while I was the one doing their dirty work. Ford and Stan’s heads turned to the doorway in unison.

“Ah, Dipper!” Ford exclaimed joyously. “You're back. So, what did yo - are you crying?”

“Here's your damn supplies.” I accidentally yelled, tossing my knapsack at him, causing him to almost stumble backward to catch it.

By the time I reached the middle of the gift shop, my walk turned into a run for the attic. Mabel watched me go as she sat on the floor with Waddles.

“Dipper? You okay?” Mabel asked from the doorway of our bedroom.

“Leave me alone. I'm fine.” I said as polite as I could but turned out to be snappy.

“Did...something happen?” She asked, hesitantly.

“Mabel, I said go away!” My patience snapped and I grabbed for the nearest object near me, tossing a hardcover book at the doorway with a hefty throw. It hit Mabel in the arm and Waddles squealed with fright, scattering further away.

“What the heck?! What's wrong with you?” Mabel burst out with sudden frustration. “Why are you acting like this? I was just-”

“Why can't you just leave me alone?” I interrupted her.

With her eyes dropping to the ground, she held onto the doorknob. “Okay. Fine. I'll...call you for dinner, I guess.”

As she closed the door slowly and silently, I laid back down on my stomach and buried my face into my pillow. I began to cry.

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