Secrets

What have I done?

Chapter 29

                1 ½ months later.

                It has been one and a half months since I had seen Oliver. One and a half months since I had been lying in his arms. One and a half months since I had ran away from my mate My chest was always feeling an ache. It was sharp and painful, like I was being pierced in the heart every second of the day. It was always a constant reminder of what I had done. The bad person I had become.

                This was in place so that mates would never separate. The constant pain would drive them back towards their mates where only by the touch of their mate would the pain finally stop. For a Queen away from the King my pain was worse than any other. Ali could feel her pain and so could the protectors where as theirs were a small dull ache mine was a stabbing pain. It had got worse the further away we had gotten from Switzerland.

                It felt like it was a million miles away from where I was. It felt like Switzerland could have been on the other side of the world. It may as well have been for the position I was in right now. To be honest it felt like I had something missing in me. It felt l had left the other half of me in Switzerland. I felt incomplete. I wasn’t whole. I was broken.

                I had not cried a single tear since the car ride away. I had remained strong grasping dearly onto the belief I was doing the right thing for the Kingdom and my child. My thoughts and feelings couldn’t be brought into this. I had to do right by others before I could do right by me. This was the belief I cradled to keep myself sane. That and the fact I had to stay fine for my son growing inside of me.

                It was getting close now. I was so close to the birth but also that meant that the war was also imminent. We were keeping tabs on the situation. We had sent one of the protectors to just outside our borders in a town. He was masking his scent and relaying information. The army of Killian had gathered equipped with the armies of rogues.

                News had come that Oliver was still leading the Royals and the packs with them. Apparently training had been turned up a notch since I had left. Everyone were training doubly hard to compensate for the fact I was fighting. That would mean no added wind or water powers or my mind reading. Thing is I am not as guilty about that because even if they did know. Even if they knew about my pregnancy and I was there. I can’t use abilities or shift anymore. I would be effectively useless anyway and they would be too busy worrying and fretting about me and my safety than focus on the war.

                Some news made me distraught. Word had come back about Oliver. Since I had left he had become angry and emotionless. His friends could barely get him to talk. He was purely a leader. He was no longer a friend. Any sign of emotion, he had locked away. He was like a robot and people feared that side of him. They wanted his other side back. The side when he was with me. He was the idea of a war leader. Cold, decisive and emotionless but people were frightened and felt pity for him. God, I wish I was there to help him.

                  For me, it had been a quiet one and a half months. Slowly but surely my belly bump and grown. Right now I was a fully pregnant looking girl. My stomach was now nice and round and I looked like I was ready to burst. My son was a lively one. I could always feel him kicking about inside of me. My son felt like my constant connection with Oliver. He was essentially half of Oliver. My beautiful little boy. I couldn’t wait to see his beautiful face. I couldn’t wait to cradle him in my arms. My child. The person I was ultimately fighting for. The person I was ultimately keeping safe. The reason why I left Oliver. I had to protect my child.